There is a beutiful song by Jars of Clay called Love Song For A Savior. It is about conversion. It is very good – one of my favorites! Hope you enjoy it.

Jen – when I wrote that last post it never even occurred to me to pull out of RCIA. That’s wonderful! I’m not like you, in that my faith in God is much older than my confidence in the Church. It’s great that you feel drawn to the Church. I’ll pray you have good pastors and find a spiritual advisor who is faithful to the Church, but also who is a compassionate pastor.

BTW, like Julie, I would like to know where did you download the person saying the Rosary?

Ersza – (Sorry, Jen, for using your comments box as a message board) Is everything going fine with you? I don’t know why, I have been thinking of you. I was a lurker in your old blog, I cannot remember a lot from it now (I read too many blogs), but sometimes I remember you, I don’t know why.

Steve – I recall what it was like as a Protestant not having the church’s guidance to lean on. For me, it was terrible. I was never confident in anything regarding the faith. [...] I don’t know how people are able to hold onto faith without the Church to guide them. I certainly wasn’t able to. Such people must possess faith, holiness and humility in far greater proportions than I can conceive of. I have been one of those persons, and believe me, my faith, holiness and humility is smaller than an atom. It’s a matter of how you are naturally “wired” and what your experiences relating to people have been.

I have been (fortunately, God changed that in me) a person who distrusted people, especially large groups of people, a lot. So, it was much easier to trust God, to convert to Christianity without going to a church.

I knew God wanted me to live my faith in community, but I trusted He would guide me to a church when I was ready. I could not bring myself to church-shop, and I’m glad I did not do that. I would never have chosen the Catholic Church. In fact, when He showed me it was the Catholic Church, I was disappointed. I knew in my heart it was truly where I should be, but it took me a couple of weeks to fall in love with the Church. I converted to Christianity because of Easter, because of the redemption through Christ’s sacrifice, and because it was wonderful to know Satan was defeated and to experience peace inside myself (I had been a pantheist-almost-pagan and I had learned to hate interior peace) when I was 21. I had a small amount of Christian friends, but I lived faith mostly in a lonely way until I was 25, almost 26, and God showed me the Transubstanciation was true. I HAD to receive Christ’s body, then. I did not love the Catholic Church, but I loved Christ and now I knew I could and should receive His body (I remembered it was in the Gospel). So, Catholic Church it was. After a month of pondering, of reading Church’s official documents and falling in love with the doctrine and the Tradition, I came back. And finally fell in love with the Church.

But, to be completely true, I must tell you that I started learning to love the Catholic Church through my early small group of Protestant friends. I’m grateful for that.

Put ‘er there, sistah. When I figured out I needed to become Catholic it was Easter of 1999 … so I couldn’t even begin RCIA until that Fall … it did wonders for my patience and learning to let God do it in His own time though.

Now, on a purely selfish basis, where did you download that person saying the Rosary? In return I offer the pray-as-you-go podcast
(http://www.dallasnews.com/newskiosk/rss/dallasnewsviewpoints.xml).

For me, trusting in God is harder than trusting in the Church. Strange, I know.

Not strange to my ears in the least. In fact, it’s the very purpose of the church. It’s why God gave us the church. It’s the Church which is the instrument by which God communicates his message throughout history and the normative channel through which his grace is dispensed to us.

I say this without the least bit of hyperbole intended…As far as I am concerned, either the Catholic Church is what it says it is, or Christianity is a giant hoax, or at best a lucky misunderstanding.

I recall what it was like as a Protestant not having the church’s guidance to lean on. For me, it was terrible. I was never confident in anything regarding the faith. It bothered me terribly that I two people could take the same scriptures, and make nearly equally compelling cases for the exact opposite doctrine. That reality is mostly what made me abandon faith to non-belief for many years.

I say this with no insult intended, but I don’t know how people are able to hold onto faith without the Church to guide them. I certainly wasn’t able to. Such people must possess faith, holiness and humility in far greater proportions than I can conceive of.

To clarify a couple of things:

- I am dying to participate in the sacraments! It’s driving me crazy that it’s taken so long to get into RCIA. I mentioned a while back that I was considering going to another parish just to get it started, but decided (with the input of the readers here) that it’s really best to wait and do it in my own parish. RCIA starts in early September, and it’s the first time they’ve offered it since September 2005. So that’s the holdup there.

- While the question about birth control is a big issue, it wasn’t stopping me from doing RCIA and becoming fully Catholic, or at least starting the process. (Again, the only holdup there is my parish.) I kind of figured that it would somehow get worked out because of the deep draw I feel toward the church. Funny, when I wrote that last post it never even occurred to me to pull out of RCIA.

- I think the birth control issue was stressing me out so much because I’ve had a really hard time believing in God from day one. It’s such a vague concept and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that sort of thing. But, oddly, I’ve found it very easy to trust the Church. So when I started struggling with this doctrine it really threw me for a loop because the Church is the main place I’ve been putting my faith. For me, trusting in God is harder than trusting in the Church. Strange, I know.

Much ado about nothing after all.

Hi Ersza!
I am loath to speak for Jennifer here (she manages that quite well thank you);-), but I don’t think that’s the case. From previous posts, I think it’s the case that she has been attempting to sign up for RCIA (might even have done so already), but that some issues with her parish’s RCIA program have delayed that, and that she’s been attending mass regularly.

I think, knowing the history of this particular topic on her blog, she’s talking more about the ‘feelings’ of closeness to God that she’s been searching for (expecting?), and she’s acknowledging that maybe her efforts to make herself accessible to those feeling (i.e. via prayer) haven’t been what they should/could be.

That’s a very difficult road. I think it’s much easier if you begin by finding Christ in your life and in the works of others and in your own heart. She is hoping to see spiritual growth in herself from prayer or from listening to the Word each week, and that’s fine, but it will really help to receive communion and to study the Word in a more directed fashion.

With regard to the efficacy of the sacraments, I wholeheartedly agree with you. The problem is that we are all encouraging her to partake, but…well, she’s not yet really supposed to partake of the two we all need the most: confession and Eucharist.

I took her post to be written within that context and as more or less a resolution to say that she is going to try harder right where she is while she’s working towards being received into the Church.

Jennifer, PLEASE correct me if I am off base on anything.

The analogy between prayer life and exercise hit deep on me. I am, like you, just a bit overweight. Since childhood. I am lucky that I don’t get morbidly obese easily (I love eating), but I am chronically just a bit overweight. And it would be so easy to lose those last 7-10 kg: if I would only exercise! Besides, I would become stronger and firmer. I have the same problem in faith. I am not disciplined, so I don’t have a prayer routine. I pray when I remember, when I am drawn to it. Fortunately, I am drawn to it frequently. Unfortunately, I answer in a hurry. “Hi God. Thanks for this or that”. “I’m sorry I did this”. “Help me, or help this or that person”. “Forgive me”. “Your creation looks great today”. Always in a hurry.

One thing I can tell you is that sacramental life makes a big difference in your prayer life. I don’t come from an atheist background, but I am too intellectual as well (maybe that’s why God made me believe in my heart before my head was convinced). My scientific background, maybe. My brain is always talking, even when I’m praying. Discussing, philosophying (sp?), wondering. The only thing that makes my brain be quiet, my prayers become peaceful and silent, is the Body of Christ. In Mass, after consecration, or in adoration.

If you are not in the RCIA yet, and don’t feel you can enter now, please consider the idea of getting a spiritual director, and going to adoration sometimes.

I’ll write you later on the other issue.