Five years ago I had never once believed in God, not even as a child. All my life I was a content atheist; it was simply obvious to me that God did not exist. I thought that religion and reason were incompatible, and eventually became vocally anti-Christian. In 2005 I began to have doubts about atheism and started this blog to ask questions of believers. Long story short, I blogged my way from lifelong atheism to Catholicism (my husband and I both entered the Catholic Church in 2007). I now write about faith after atheism. Welcome to my blog, I'm glad you're here!
An update on bad moods
An update to my post from Thursday about my terrible mood:
Being in the bad mood that I was, I had convinced myself that the tone of the comments was going to be, "Gee, I can't really relate to that. I mean, how could you not feel grateful for all your many blessings, even for a moment? I've never experienced that so I can't offer any helpful advice."
So when the first few comments rolled in with people saying that they go through the same thing sometimes, I felt a lot better almost immediately. And then of course the advice was helpful too.
It got me thinking about how often I'm miffed at other people. It's rare that I'm as low as I felt last week, but on a near hourly basis someone does something to annoy me. So I've decided that from now on, when I catch myself feeling annoyed at someone and start that inner dialogue of, "How could he/she do something so stupid/annoying/thoughtless..." I must first pause and name something that I do that others might find irritating. Today is Day 1 of this new policy and it's been surprisingly humbling.
Also, here is the Abandonment Prayer I mentioned in that post. Our RCIA director has asked us to memorize it. He said it was a great help to him when he was making the difficult transition from being a drug addict and dealer living on the streets to a devout Catholic.
It is hard to say this and mean it. (At the part about "I am ready for all, I accept all," I instinctively through in a few caveats.) But when I can force myself to shut up long enough to say it, it helps.
Being in the bad mood that I was, I had convinced myself that the tone of the comments was going to be, "Gee, I can't really relate to that. I mean, how could you not feel grateful for all your many blessings, even for a moment? I've never experienced that so I can't offer any helpful advice."
So when the first few comments rolled in with people saying that they go through the same thing sometimes, I felt a lot better almost immediately. And then of course the advice was helpful too.
It got me thinking about how often I'm miffed at other people. It's rare that I'm as low as I felt last week, but on a near hourly basis someone does something to annoy me. So I've decided that from now on, when I catch myself feeling annoyed at someone and start that inner dialogue of, "How could he/she do something so stupid/annoying/thoughtless..." I must first pause and name something that I do that others might find irritating. Today is Day 1 of this new policy and it's been surprisingly humbling.
Also, here is the Abandonment Prayer I mentioned in that post. Our RCIA director has asked us to memorize it. He said it was a great help to him when he was making the difficult transition from being a drug addict and dealer living on the streets to a devout Catholic.
Father,
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures --
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.
It is hard to say this and mean it. (At the part about "I am ready for all, I accept all," I instinctively through in a few caveats.) But when I can force myself to shut up long enough to say it, it helps.
Labels: Bad Days, Prayer, Pride/Humility, Selfishness
Posted on
Monday, October 30, 2006
at 12:54 PM | Permalink
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3 Comments:
It is important to remember that prayer is transformative. We may not be able to say prayers such as these with our whole heart, but we can say them with the hope that we may be able to do it someday.
When I say, "When I awake, I will be satisfied with your face oh Lord", I know it won't be true tomorrow, but I do know that when I "awake" from the death I leave myself in, I will be able to say it truly.
Just as I lovingly accept the scribbled pictures of my children, so does God accept our less than perfect prayers (and probably tacks them on his fridge :-)
Oh yes, meant to also say that this very process is the definition of being Christian. To 'convert' everyday, so that our heart of stone might turn to a heart of 'flesh'.
As Jesus said: Do not be afraid!
:) In my choir we sing a song very similar to this prayer (in my language, though). And I several times sing it when I'm stressed or feel tempted by despair.
Your version is prettier, though, but as nowadays my memory refuses to learn new prayers unless they are sung I'll have to keep singing the simplified choir version...
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