Greetings from the House ‘O Scorpions
So guess what was on the wall by my bed last night? That’s right. A scorpion. In my bedroom. Right by my bed (which, as I mentioned, I strongly prefer to be a scorpion-free zone). Had I turned out the lights just a few moments earlier, I would not have seen it scurrying up the wall, where it would have undoubtedly gone to the ceiling and then promptly fallen off when it was right over my bed (you laugh, but this actually happened to my uncle!)
My husband suggested that we should ask around to see if our neighbors are having scorpion issues as well. What, I ask, could possibly be gained from this? What if they say no? When my nextdoor neighbor says, “Gee, no, I’ve never seen a scorpion in my house!” is when things start feeling all Amityville Horror around here.
As I was lying in bed awake last night, in between fits of frantically brushing myself off every time the sheet or my pajamas brushed against me, I spent some time calculating the odds that one would actually see a scorpion if it were in the house. My house is 1,900 sq. ft. The scorpions are a few inches long. According to my calculations, the odds of being in the right place at the right time to actually see one of these things is about one in a zillion. And since I’ve seen TWO in my house in the past THREE days, this means that our home is teeming with them.
I see even the most common household objects differently now that I know that I’m living in some sort of scorpion Four Seasons. Some examples:
One theory here is that these things were somehow planted by the local exterminator company. Because, let me tell you, I am not what they call a “price-sensitive” customer right now. As soon as I hit Publish I am going to the first exterminator whose contact info I can find and tell them to just get in their truck and start driving and I’ll give them all the details while they’re on the road. (Very typical me that I’d blog about before actually doing something about it).
Another theory is that this is God’s plan to change the way I feel about roaches. They seem like the most darling little creatures right now, perhaps something one even might want as a household pet. When we first moved in I hoped we wouldn’t have a roach problem like many people around here do. Now the possibility of seeing Brother Roach on my wall seems almost charming. They don’t have stingers. They don’t have pincers. I’ll take roaches over scorpions any day.
[Cross-posted to my other blog, because I just can’t say enough about this.]