My parents were amazing people. They DIDN’T spend a lot of time with each of us, Dad worked and Mom worked even more (stay at home, no less). But, we got two things from them: a sense of independence and an understanding that they were ALWAYS there when we needed them.

When I became an adult, I never realized that my parents never called me, unless I had called and left a message, but they always had time to talk to me when I called them. I didn’t understand it fully until my Mom’s funeral.

My brother, in giving the eulogy, pointed out that, whenever we called, they listened, for an hour or a minute, however long we wanted to talk. When ever we visited, we were welcomed and treated like the returning “conquering hero,” but they never pressured us to come, and never asked that we stay longer. Everything was on our time table.

Whenever we left, as we drove away (or, as we got on the plane) we could look in our rearview mirror and see them until the house was completely out of sight. They never went back inside until they knew we couldn’t see them anymore.

People sometimes here this and think that my parents were selfish, avoiding their children. Nothing could be further from the truth. They were selfless! They never made demands of us, never. They never pressured us to be something they wanted us to be. They always were there for us when we needed them.

My brother said, in the closing of his eulogy, that he believes Mom and Dad are now standing on the porch of our Father’s house, waving to us, worrying about us and waiting for the day when they can finally welcome us home, once and for all.

So, my advice (not as a parent, but as a child) is to love them, let them know that you are always there for them, but let them understand that they are their own person.