You know you’re exhausted when…

You were stuck in the hospital for almost three days with free wireless internet and you didn’t even post on your blog.

So my beautiful little Miss L arrive Tuesday afternoon after about six hours of labor, weighing in at 7 lbs. 1 oz. I’m feeling pretty good, better than I did with either of the previous births, but I’ve only slept about eight hours total since I left for the hospital early Tuesday morning, so I’m tired to the point of being kind of delusional.

I can’t wait to do some posts about my experiences and the birth story, but that will have to wait until I get some sleep. Until then, I present you with a quiz to keep you guessing about the potential subject matter for upcoming posts:

1. What was I surprised to see when I got home?

a) A living room full of balloons and a huge “WELCOME HOME MOMMY” banner

b) A lady who introduced herself as our new live-in housekeeper who my husband hired to help me for the next twelve months or so

c) A masseuse and manicurist, all set up to give me a lavish in-home spa treatment

d) A scorpion, stinging and possibly trying to eat another dead scorpion underneath it

2. How did I get through Pitocin-induced labor with a posterior baby without making a single noise through any of the contractions?

a) Tapping into my deep spirituality while praying the rosary

b) Using all those effective techniques I learned in Bradley class

c) Meditating on the Crucifixion and the meaning of redemptive suffering

d) Listening to Tupac at full volume on my iPod

e) Somehow managing to do both C and D

3. What did I learn about getting an epidural?

a) That it’s asinine to hold out until the last minute when you were planning to get one anyway.

b) That having three transition contractions while someone is inserting a needle into your spinal column is not a pleasant experience.

c) That if you have a clotting disorder the anesthesiologist will want to be sure to take the time to pull every medical record you’ve ever had and spend infinite time pondering them before giving his consent.

d) That epidurals don’t always work.

e) All of the above.

4. What TV show did I watch that made me most fearful about the future of humanity?

a) MTV’s Date My Mom

b) VH1′s Flava of Love Casting Show

c) WETV’s Platinum Weddings

d) Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County

e) All of the above. I’m thinking it’s time to just go ahead and let the Muslims take over.

5. When the lactation consultant asked me to describe the sensation I feel when the baby first latches on to nurse, how did I respond?

a) “Feels great.”

b) “It’s slightly uncomfortable.”

c) “Ouch, it hurts.”

d) “SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!!!!!!”

Answers forthcoming, pending my ability to find time for a nap and my pharmacy’s expediency at filling my Vicodin prescription.

ANSWERS: d, e, e, e, d

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Enter the Conversation...

18 Responses to “You know you’re exhausted when…”
  1. UltraCrepidarian says:

    Yay! :-)

    W

  2. Kerry says:

    many congrats to you!!! funny quiz, can’t wait to see the answers.
    Tupac- I’ll try that with my next labor!

  3. SteveK says:

    d)
    e)
    e)
    b)
    d)

  4. Jessica says:

    oh good grief. You may be absolutely exhausted, but you’re still hilarious. That quiz made me laugh so hard!

    And many congratulations to you on your little girl!

    peace of Christ to you,
    Jessica Snell

  5. Kate says:

    Wild guess – d, e, e, e, d. Though I notice Steve is charitable enough to assume you watched only one icky tv show, whereas I know that in some states of exhaustion (and some time slots) anything is watchable.

  6. MY NAME IS SIMCHA. says:

    Congratulations! You’re not in labor anymore, AND you get a baby — a two-fer.

    I know the answer to

    1. What was I surprised to see when I got home?

    can’t be

    d) A scorpion, stinging and possibly trying to eat another dead scorpion underneath it

    because why would that surprise you?

    I sure hope it was the housekeeper.

    Delusionally yours,
    Simcha

  7. Lynne says:

    You are incredibly creative (love the quiz).

    a live-in housekeeper (think of Homer Simpson saying “Mmmm, donuts”)…

  8. :o) says:

    congratulations on your little miss.

  9. Laura The Crazy Mama says:

    Oh! Congratulations! I always thing that the funniest feeling after having a baby is when standing for the first time after labor and delivery, I feel like I’m going to bend in two and break my spinal cord! After having that baby stuffed in there for so long and leaning on it and all the other stuff in there, I feel so empty! That is something nobody ever told me about, along with a host of other things we just have to figure out for ourselves. Like “sometimes epidurals don’t work”. In my case it was 1 out of 4 that worked…I hope to make it 2 out of 5 in March!

  10. Kiwi Nomad 2006 says:

    Congratulations to you and your husband Jen… and welcome to your new baby daughter. Great to hear of her safe birth!
    Your quiz made me laugh and laugh and like many others I know I am looking forward to the answers!

  11. Matilda says:

    Congratulations! Now, go to sleep!

  12. Sarahndipity says:

    Hmmm, I’d guess D, E, E, E, D.

  13. 4andcounting says:

    Well, you may be tired, but you are quite witty in your fatigued state, so it doesn’t seem too obvious. Glad to hear all are relatively well.

  14. Radical Catholic Mom says:

    Congratulations! Go get some sleep!

  15. Jennifer F. says:

    Thank you all for your comments!

    Amusing sleep deprivation story: I was sitting here surfing the web while the baby is zonked and the kids are at my mom’s house, but it kept nagging at me that there was something else I needed to do today. I thought and thought but couldn’t come up with anything. I finally remembered what it was: get some sleep! I’m so delirious I forgot to nap.

    Going to head to bed now…

  16. Jennifer says:

    CONGRATS! She’s a beauty. For sure.c

  17. Adoro te Devote says:

    Congratulations on your new little one!

    And I agree…you are hilarious!

  18. Margaret in Minnesota says:

    You know, I probably would have laughed at these quiz questions if some of the answers didn’t ring so darn close to home.

    Except maybe for the scorpion in the living room, I have been there & done that to the 5th power. Good for you for making it funny. That’s why we blog, right?