You start by paying attention. Take a bit of time every day, maybe 15 minutes before bed if that’s all you have, and review what you did that day. (I recommend asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in this). Then think about what went on in your heart, which directions it was being pulled, and how you reacted, throughout the day. Did you sin? What was the effect of that sin? Did you do something right? What was the effect of that? If you had difficulties during the day, something that you struggled with, think not just about how you responded, but also about whether that difficulty may have been caused or added to by some earlier sin of yours.

The more you can see the concrete, real, and horrible effects that sin has in your life, and the more time you spend repenting of your sin, the easier it will be to not want that sin the next time around. But if you aren’t careful to pay attention to what happens in your life and to reflect on it, then you will miss all that and your way will be much harder.

I’ve been doing this for a few years now (this idea comes from the Examen, which format I highly recommend), and I still find it hard to make time for it every day. Like you, I’m a mother of three little ones, and I’m often exhausted by the time I think of doing the Examen. (And my mornings are filled with other prayers). But I’m learning to force myself to be regular with it anyhow, because it makes such a difference in my life.

When I first began to do this, I found that I would discover the same sins every evening, but not remember them during the day when I was being tempted by them. As time went by, I ever so gradually started remembering things better during the day. And then it took even more time before I started to actually stop myself *before* I did a sin. But repenting every single day of whatever sins I had committed that day really did help that process, I believe, – maybe even was necessary for it – even if it wasn’t an instant ‘fix’.

Also, for the record, I usually find that in order to resist sin, I have to relax. That may sound paradoxical, but when I realize that I’m probably about to sin, I have to force my interior self to relax that little tight bundle of resistance, to let go of all my objections to doing God’s will, and to realize that it is POSSIBLE for me to do the right thing (that the circumstances do not foreordain my reaction). This is true even when I’m forcing myself to get up and do the dishes instead of relaxing in front of the computer; that first I have to relax that interior resistance to doing the dishes, the voice inside which says doing dishes is too hard, I’m too tired, it’s just not going to happen, etc. I don’t have to force it into being quiet, I just have to let go of it.

Anyhow, I hope these reflections are of use to you.

God bless,
Anna

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So Providential, Jennifer! I have been dealing with just this same issue in the past four days! A friend and mother of eight had recommended a $3 CD to me that she (and then I) bought at our parish gift shop. It’s called Anger and Forgiveness and it’s by a wonderful man I had never heard of before (but “coincidentally” came across yesterday again), Deacon Dr. Bob McDonald. He is a permanent deacon and an M.D./psychotherapist. This CD taught me things on anger that I had never known. In fact, it completely debunked the notion that I had been “preaching” for years, that “the emotion of anger is morally neutral.” Wrong! Boy, was it a wake up call for both me and my husband!

Anyway, after listening to his CD, I have not been angry in four days (no easy feat with seven children). I highly recommend this life-changing CD, and you can get it for only three bucks! Here is the link:

http://www.saintjoe.com/search-result.php?CategoryID=24&GET=1

Anyway, it’s always great to read your blog because I swear we must be the same person (except you are a decade younger, ha ha).

God bless!
Leila
http://www.CatholicMomsMatchmaking.com

At some point in my life, without really realizing it, I had made a vow that no one would abuse or run over me ever again. So if someone tried, I came back hard and fast, leaving only a greasy spot of my poor aggressor. I understand such vows are hard to break.

About two years ago, a few weeks after Hurricane Katrina (I live on the Mississippi coast in the area hardest hit), I had a small problem with a customer at work, about closing time on a Saturday afternoon. I reacted with much anger, accusing the man of being responsible for making me late for Saturday Mass. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was appalled at what I had said, ashamed and frightened about my behavior. Monday morning, I went to the doctor. She prescribed Lexapro, a treatment for depression and anxiety. The result was a more gentle and quiet spirit at the cost of gaining 15 pounds and having less feelings (both good and bad feelings).

I do think when we pray for things such as gentleness or patience, God sends events and situations to give us practice. One of the most beautiful situations I have to give me practice is the care of six Maltese dogs. We purchased the first two. Of the remaining ones, two are fosters, and two others were adopted. Three of the six came from homes where they were abused and neglected. With them and all the fosters I have had (which have gone on to their forever homes), I have a gentle and quiet spirit as well as patience beyond belief. They are good teachers – so gentle, loving and forgiving – and I give thanks for them.

The desire to be rid of sin, though, to work to root out that attachment, is a good and holy desire. The reality that we make little progress on our own, without being open to grace, is probably an antidote to the pride we would feel if we *could* be good by a mere exercise of our own wills.

On our own, we are trying to carve out the Grand Canyon with a toothpick when we try to eliminate sin and the attachment to sin. But with the help of the Holy Spirit what is impossible becomes possible, a tiny little bit at a time.

Sometimes when we’re tempted to commit a particular habitual sin, a simple prayer like “Come, Holy Spirit,” combined with the honest invitation of our will to invite Him to be present and active in us can be a great help.

But avoiding the occasions of sin is also important here. If temper or grouchiness are a result of a particular thing, such as stress or lack of sleep, we can probably work on improving this situation. (For me, at the present moment of my life, avoiding the near occasion of sin usually involves keeping the junk food less than immediately and randomly accessible, if you know what I mean.) Our wills can only take so much temptation, and if a particular person or situation is tempting us to anger it may be time to step back from the thing that’s provoking the anger and examine the situation.

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in this blog…God has given me much to reflect on through reading your entries.

+JM+
Annette

“Consider that God wants to fill you up with honey, but if you are already full of vinegar where will you put the honey? What was in the vessel must be emptied out; the vessel itself must be washed out and made clean and scoured; hard work though it may be, so that if be made fit for something else, whatever it may be.” St. Augustine

Pot scrubbing is one of my least favorite kitchen tasks. I’ll be scrubbing with more reflection this advent knowing that I’m also working on cleansing my heart of anger, arrogence, and selfishness- making my interior more receptive to the sweet honey of the Eucharist on Christmas Day.

Lord, I don’t want to act like this anymore..ok yeah I do want to act this way, but I love You more and I know You say this is wrong…so please help me not want to do this anymore. Thank you for loving me anyway.

Other thoughts…sometimes a little focus first on the damge caused to you and those around you followed by focus on who you want to be/ who God wants you to be then finally, focus on Christ helps me.

Samantha