I’ve had similar situations occur but sometimes, you can’t make it all right. Sometimes, as much as you hate the idea, you have to say goodbye. Because sometimes the other party likes hurting you and has no intention of using you as the backboard for all the wrongs life through at that person.

Yes, eventually you may have to forgive, let the event go, and then let the person go. Sometimes you can make the first move, you can offer forgiveness, you can offer reconciliation, but it’s in the other person’s ballpark to make the changes. You know?

My relationship with my father was important to me. I went to counseling, he went to counseling, I tried to offer more of myself into the relationship… it was so painful.

After a decade of the pain outweighing any positives, I called it quits. We have minimal communication and visits, but it just cannot be healthy to subject oneself to that kind of hurt over and over and over again, with no end in sight.

Many fulfilling relationships can only be had by going through difficult times. But just because something is difficult does not mean that doing it will have positive results.

My husband add his own post-script. “Mother Theresa was able to pour love unto the poor of Calcutta BECAUSE her mother poured love into her.”

It’s sort of like, first things first. First, the family needs to be healed and remade into a place of peace and love. Then the children can take that love and pour it out into the world.

Some days it’s hard to realize that I’m on the first wave. I’m the mom that stays close to home and while my little sister in the Peace Corps gets the more glamorous job of passing out bed nets in Africa. Then after my husband quotes his special post-script to me, I feel better about the hidden life of loving well those closest to me.

I could only do it because my identity is in Christ. Therefore, I do not need to justify myself to anyone – and I can even go a step further and apologise to someone when they have hurt me, in order to restore a broken relationship.

Prayers and blessings.

Specifically, I remember a time when I was so angry at someone for hurting me (again, they were soooo wrong!) and I had this feeling deep inside like I was suddenly in danger. I “heard” this little voice that warned me that I was in dangerous territory now, that God wasn’t going to cover me in this anger like He had been doing. I feel like it was the Spirit warning me. I remember it so clearly. It was as if I heard the words, “Forgive now.”

I didn’t forgive. I stayed angry and enjoyed it. This ushered in a period of serious depression for about two days. It was so clearly linked to my refusal to forgive when I had the chance. I later had to get on my face and ask God to lift the depression, which He did, so kindly. But I learned an important lesson.

Basically, what I learned was this: Christ soooooo often covers our sins that we don’t even recognize it. But when the time is right, the Spirit leads us to deal with our sins seriously. In those times, it’s really, really tough to fight our sins. But it’s the death blow that takes the most energy and brings the most freedom!

Your post also reminds me of the words of Linus Van Pelt: "I love mankind – it's people I can't stand!"