“Our purpose as described by biology is to advance ourselves as a race unified. Advancing means the survival of our species, achieved through reproduction, the increase of knowledge and helping our fellow people. Not to do Good because the angry invisible nanny is watching.”

Isn’t ascribing purpose to nature unscientific? Is a kingsnake not following its “purpose” because it consumes its own kind instead of helping them?

Jennifer, your post describes how I feel now. I’m agnostic and I’ve never really thought about death and the chance of non-existence until recently. The thought of never being able to see my boyfriend, friends and family after they/I die is perhaps the most saddening thing I can think of. I couldn’t imagine it being “torture” to exist with them forever.

Also, to say someone only believes in the afterlife because it makes them feel better would be like saying someone doesn’t believe in the afterlife because the thought of life after death scares them.

And suppose one does believe in the afterlife to make them feel better about death. Is that any worse than someone pretending they’re having some sort of meaningful impact on humanity (which will just become extinct) to make themselves feel better?

Also, I admire your graciousness in handling unkind comments.

I had hoped it wouldn’t come to censorship. You know what is behind that comment? Anticipation of the most common response I get to sheer “blasphemy”, one where people act all offended with their “how dare you’s” and use it as an excuse to avoid my accusations. Where people like you belittle me because I’m not old enough to know anything.

Ageism bothers me.

So do people who use being offended as an excuse to end a conversation because they don’t like where it’s going.

“I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.”

The catch cry of religion. Keep me out of your prayers, spend the time in which you would’ve prayed for me doing something useful instead. And getting to God bless me? Do it yourself, I mean at least we know you exist.

Oh and FYI I’m fortunate enough to have never had any close relative or friend die. So I guess that’s something else your god forgot to tell you when you took a lame attempt at guessing my motivations?

Now if you’re quite satisfied I’d like to get back on to this odd fear of death you have. Also I’ve seen little response to my original post.

And one anonymous fellow raised a good point: Were you Jennifer ever really an atheist? I read the anonymous persons comments on your language and form and while I may have not phrased it as harshly I agree with his assessment that your attitudes are inconsistent with being atheistic. Especially the point about not asking your “atheist friends” how they dealt with the grim spectre of death.

Mitch –

I am sincerely sorry for the pain that is undoubtedly behind this comment that would lead you to speak so harshly to a mother who just lost her infant son. You’re certainly entitled to your opinion, but the way you phrased it was unkind. Any more comments directed to Kathryn will not be published.

I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”
-George Bernard Shaw

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
-George Bernard Shaw, in Parents and Children (1914) “Children’s Happiness”

You realize by your child’s statement that he/she is repressing their sorrow right? Which is really unhealthy. You should encourage the child to cry as much as they need to in order to overcome their sorrow. That’s not to say that you should tell them heaven isn’t real (at age 10 they’re probably not ready for such harsh truths), but rather you should encourage your child not to bottle up any sorrow or put on fake happiness because the person isn’t really dead, they’re just in heaven.

Should the child suffer depression from this (a perfectly normal reaction to such tragedy) then a child psychiatrist should be able to help quite easily and the psychiatrist will probably be thrilled you had the courage to bring your child in, as most people deny that their children may be depressed.

In short don’t use lies to shield your child from basic truths just because you’re too afraid to do some real parenting and let your child experience normal sadness. Trouble is once a child buys the lie (like heaven or santa etc) then you can’t take it away from them until their old enough to deal with it.

Now you might write back with some offended “How dare you tell me how to raise my child?” but put a sock in that. One doesn’t have to be a genius to realize that sorrow is a normal emotion.

“Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.”
- George Bernard Shaw
(I know, but I do quite like a lot of Shaw’s works and clever quotations)