7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 51)
There comes a time in every blogger’s life when she sees something amiss in the world and must decide whether or not to use her blogging platform to call it out, even if what she has to say might be unsettling or just too much hard truth for some readers. I have been pondering such a dilemma a long time now, and have decided that it is time for me to raise my voice in a call to action. I have tried to avoid bringing up this subject. I really have. But something must be done, and it is time to speak out. You may want to prepare yourself for what you’re about to read.
So here’s the story: Last I was driving down I-35 and got stuck behind a Ford F-350 pickup truck that had…let’s see…how do I explain this…
OK, let me start over: here in Texas it is popular to spruce up one’s pickup truck by hanging decorations from the trailer hitch on the back. Historically such items have included metal plates painted with the state flag, or perhaps a sculpture of a bluebonnet. In recent years, however, a new trend has come about in which some men (and I don’t mean “men” as in “humankind” but as in “no woman in the history of the world has ever done this”) hang from their trailer hitches a large metal representation of a certain part of the male anatomy. These items are called Trucknutz, and they are rather popular in certain circles. (Warning: That link contains exactly the kind of image you think it contains.)
Anyway, gridlocked traffic left me stuck behind the F-350 and its swinging garniture for about thirty minutes last week, which gave me a lot of time to think about this phenomenon. I recalled the college marketing courses where we learned that every new product is a response to a consumer pain point, e.g. buzzers on dryers a response to “I always forget my laundry in the dryer.” Never could I have imagined that “there are no scrota on my truck” was a consumer pain point.
I’ve been trying to avoid bringing up this subject because…well, I guess that part is obvious…but this is the fourth one I’ve seen recently and I think it’s time for a call to action: What, as a society, are we going to do about Trucknutz?
That last take left me with a dilemma: Should I use my Associates account when linking to the item on Amazon? At first I went with “no” — even though the commission I get from Amazon purchases through my site is minuscule, I’d hate to profit in any way from the sale of such an item — but then my curiosity got the best of me. I thought of those reports that tell you how many people purchased an item you linked to, and I decided that I must know: Is there any overlap between the “people who read Conversion Diary” demographic and the “people who think that representations of genitalia enhance their vehicles” demographic? It is time to find out. I promise I’ll donate any money I make from such purchases to charity.
Oh, wait, turns out I’m not done with that subject yet. I am just waiting — WAITING — for the day that one of my children asks me about this. “Mommy, what is that hanging on the back of that truck?” Or, more perplexingly, what about when my children are at an age when they recognize what it is and ask me WHY it’s there?
In a “What Would Yaya Do?” moment I was thinking that perhaps I could just ask the driver next time I pull up alongside one in a parking lot, but then I realized that I wouldn’t have any idea how to start that conversation. “Excuse me sir, I couldn’t help but notice that you have an, uhh…well, that on the back of your truck there is an, umm…”
I had meant for this Quick Takes edition to be a big rallying cry in which we all join together to fight this scourge, but now it’s occurring to me that this might not be a worldwide phenomenon. Readers in places like Boston or Seattle: How often would one encounter this sort of thing on one’s daily commute in your area? I am going to hazard a guess that these are also not big sellers in Europe. But I don’t want to stereotype. I could be wrong. Maybe people in Europe find, like their cousins here in Texas, that such an adornment is exactly what is missing from their VW Golfs and BMW Minis. I am certain, however, that they’re as popular in Florida as they are here, seeing as how the Senate debated banning them (though one senator objected since he OWNED SOME HIMSELF).
For those of you who are staring at your computer slack-jawed, needing a moment to clear your mind of the countless questions and emotions the previous four takes brought up, here’s a video of some cute kittens riding a vacuum.
Did I really devote the majority of this week’s 7 Quick Takes to what I think I just devoted the majority of this week’s 7 Quick Takes to? Time to step. away. from. the. computer. Maybe I’ll go for a drive. Er, wait, no, might just lead to more trouble. Time to go bury myself in a book.
I look forward to reading your posts!
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I agree, Jennifer. We occasionally see them in Nebraska. ICKY!
This week's takes are made of WIN, especially the censorship by fig leaf.
What you do is, you pull up to the truck, roll down your window, and yell, "I can see why your wife cut them off, but why'd she nail them to your truck?" Of course, this being Texas and all, you may need to be prepared to return fire.
I live in Seattle. And though I have not witnessed this, er, phenomenon myself, I can attest that my roommate has. Whether or not the offending cars had Texas license plates, she did not say.
Meanwhile…KITTENS.
Wow. Wow! Trucknutz? This is a first for me. I can't speak for all of Europe, but I can tell you that I've never seen anything like this in Sicily. Rows of half-naked prostitutes lining the highway? Yes. Trucknutz? No. So, I guess it's all a matter of where you live. (Although, the first time I had to answer the question "Why is there a naked woman outside my window? Do you think she's a secret princess?" It was, well, awkward. So I might be willing to switch!)
Jennifer, okay, you've got me way beat in the humor category. I'll have to show my girls the cats on the vacuum in the morning. Yeah, that's right. I'm sticking with the cats visual. It's bedtime and I don't want the other visual causing nightmares. You know what they say about Texas, though. Everything is bigger there. I guess if nothing else, this says loud and clear that size really does matter. Thanks for the laughs!
Roxane
P.S. There's another mention of our time together on my recap today. I cropped the photo this time so you wouldn't feel embarrassed by your exposed feet.
Unfortunately, all of us were behind a truck with the metal "junk" dangling . . . it was swinging and catching the sunlight and I asked, aghast, "Is that what I think it is?" My husband was disgusted and said, "Yeah," in a "did you have to ask" sort of way. I've seen them a few times in MD, but not at all in HI. I'm with you on this. I do not want to see that at all! And, my kids have seen it, commented that it's beyond rude.
I have never seen something like that in Germany…
Oh too funny, Jennifer. I live, not in Seattle, but close enough to tell you that those items dangle from the bumpers of big trucks out here as well. Some of them are bright blue.
While they might be a scourge, for me they are a reminder of a good friend. Seeing one of those trucks with its appendage in Microsoft country, a friend who worked with my pastor buddy called him and asked, "What is happening to people around here? And have you seen any of these in the parish parking lot?" They had a good laugh about it, and the worker recounted the story at dinner on a Friday night.
Pastor buddy died that Friday night, though we didn't know it til the next day. In the week that followed with the funeral and memorial service, we laughed over that story again because pastor buddy was one who loved life and made sure to laugh often.
On the anniversary of his death last winter, I was driving nowhere near Microsoft Land, but I was stuck in traffic, right behind a behemoth of a truck with shiny silver hangings. I cracked up. I miss my good friend, but he can still make me laugh.
I agree, those "decorations" are quite disturbing! The more realistic ones especially.
Re point 4: you could try to get the driver to stop and have your children ask him themselves. Might be an interesting experience for the driver of the "enhanced" truck…
And no, I have never seen Trucknutz in Europe. Wonder if there's a market for that here.
I'm with you, Jen – this is a scourge. Fortunately it hasn't caught on in North Carolina yet. Please don't tell Billy Bob about them, though.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with the matter delicately, but there must be a way. I'm fairly certain that the man who feels compelled to hang such an ornament our for all to see is incapable of being embarrassed, but most women I know would, like you, be rendered speechless.
Quite a conundrum.
Good luck!
HAHAHAHAHA! Now I know what to call those things that I saw hanging down from a truck this week (and of course posted a picture, only I didn't employ a leaf). Truck nutz.
I'm such an intermittent participant but I have got them up now.
I'm not currently in Boston, but as a Bay State native, I can tell you we generally prefer our perversions in other forms than male anatomical represenations on trucks (we also don't have as many trucks as I imagine you do in Texas). Good luck with the campaign!
I'm sure it will come as no surprise that Trucknutz (I just cringed typing that) are popular in certain circles in Georgia as well.
I live in Western Arkansas and I think I know the demographic to which you are referring. I'm trying to be polite and not offend anyone but I'm picturing some type of less educated, good-ol'-boy, some-might-say hick man. We have those here too, although, I haven't seen those truck decorations. But I wouldn't be surprised if they started showing up here! Let me know what you decide to tell the kids as I have four also. My two oldest, 10 and 9, are just the age to ask!
THANK YOU! This "phenomenon" as you call it…has gravely disturbed and offended me for a long time…kudos to you for speaking out!
Goodness me! No, such 'adornments' are not to be found on British vehicles… I would never hear the end of it from my kids if they saw one (or two??)…
I would say just ignore the Trucknutz. They're amusing in a teeth-gritting kind of way and, if you think about it, really no more offensive than the prominent genitalia on equestrian statues (heroes never ride *mares*, for goodness' sake!). Like the Vatican putting fig leaves on all the statues on their collection: worrying about it is worrying about something that is just part of who we are as animals. And if your kids ask, just show them a stallion or a bull.
Hmmmm…haven't seen them myself (up here in PA) but it certainly doesn't mean they aren't here. I feel sad for people raising kids these days–it must be difficult to explain all the horrible and inappropriate things that are out there.
I live in a VERY small town in Texas. So I know exactly what you are talking about. The other day I was walking in the Walmart parking lot and had to go by one of these obscene "ornaments". The truck was raised up so high the "ornament" right at my daughter's eyelevel. It made me sick to my stomach.
Here in Georgia, MANY trucks have the "adornment" you mentioned. I'm not sure how I'll answer my son's questions when he notices them. I'm hoping that since he sits in the backseat, he won't notice them until he can drive himself.
All you have to do is browse through http://peopleofwalmart.com/ to see how far we have slid as a society. Trucknuts are the logical fruit (no pun intended)of a society in decline…
Wow. Um…I've not seen those in NC or TN yet, but considering TX was settled by Tennesseans, it's probably only a matter of time. Gross.
O.K., that left me laughing so hard! I've seen those items you're talking about . . . but only in the South. I live in the Chicago area and I can honestly say that I have never, ever seen one of those hanging from a truck (or a car for that matter) here.
Good luck with the research.
For the record, once again, I LOVED THIS POST!!!
I've seen that too, but only once. I'm more bothered by the little metallic "ladies" on trucker's vehicles. We were stuck at a stoplight and my daughter had to stare at that for several minutes. Grrr.
This would be fun: feigning ignorance: excuse me, sir, my children and I were just wondering… what is that symbol on the back of your truck??
I LOLed through this entire post. Here in Virginia Beach, one does occasionally see a pair of *ahem* hanging from the trailer hitch of a truck. I find them wildly offensive. And sad, because if I was speculating that a small man in a big truck might be "compensating," the presence of a large metal representation of his genitalia confirms it! (This begs the question of what my husband feels the need to compensate for since he thinks Trucknutz are hilarious, but I prefer to push that out of my mind.)
Recently I saw a large pair of nuts, as in nuts-and-bolts, hanging from a trailer hitch. I'm not sure what customer pain point brought that about – perhaps it was a husband whose wife said (as I would if my husband wanted to buy a pair of these) "OH NO I DON'T THINK SO NOT ON A VEHICLE THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO DRIVE TO MY LADIES' BIBLE STUDY" and he found a clever way around her objections? Or perhaps it was someone who wanted to comment on the inappropriateness of such adornments? In any case, I thought it was brilliant.
Great post! Thanks for the laugh
I live north of the 55th parallel and those nuts hang from the back of trucks here, too.
Wow. Sometimes the more I read blogs from all over the country, the happier I am to live in suburban Philadelphia. No trucknutz here that I know of. And I think they'd be laughed out of town for overcompensation.
And I agree–what would you tell the kids?! That kind of thing drives me crazy.
As you might guess, they're in Colorado, too. Something defiitely must be done. Out here on the farm, we know exactly what to do about those — But, do you suppose our knights in law enforcement would call it vandalism if we trolled through parking lots "nipping" 'em?
I live in Nebraska, and I've seen those questionable decoration two or three times. Once they were on the back of what was clearly a woman's vehicle, and there was a bumper sticker with a feminist message, something to the effect of "every woman needs a set of b****". *shudder*
I saw that once in Massachusetts!
Jen, I've seen those on trucks and am always so repulsed by them. Having formerly lived in Texas, I know how many you can see in a week. Fortunately, here in Maryland, they are not so common. We just get bumper stickers that read "Obamamama."
That said, I honestly wonder, if someone brought their kids to the driver of one of these vehicles and said, "My children were wondering why you have such a thing hanging from the back of your truck?" What would they say?
So the purchasers of such things not think children will see them? That they might offend ladies with some sense of decorum. Ugh!
They have them in Tennessee too. I nearly ran off the road the first time I saw them because What the What??
Scourge is a good word for this little trend. Maybe we should all carry a pair of wire cutters and every time we see a pair ~ahem~ in a parking lot we just give them a little snip snip and find the nearest dumpster.
Your post made me laugh sooo hard. Even here in Nebraska, I have seen those things (already forgot the name) once or twice. I think that the demand is not so much, "I have no sack on my truck," as it is "I have no sack on my…." (you fill in the blank). My husband and I joke about people who drive big, loud, obnoxious trucks. We say they're compensating for something that they're lacking.
And I'm supposed to be this good little Catholic girl! What has happened to me!?
Yes- always link to your Amazon account! You never know…
Trucknutz are in WA State too.
I'm just waiting for the day that my son notices *those* and asks his insistant questions.
As far as my opinion- I suppose if you have to purchase that type of item for your vehicle there maybe a bit of something, um, lacking . . . elsewhere.
there's a state senator in MD who has been working to ban trucknutz by legislation: http://www.feministing.com/archives/006584.html
Best Quick Takes ever.
I am guessing that this is a take on the speculation that a very, very big truck is a substitution for another part of the male anatomy. Leave it to Texans to take a criticism of them and yell, "H@@@ Yeah!" to it. But I wouldn't want to see it. I'm a huger non-fan of the fake Calvin urinating on various things and the mudflap women, myself.
Oh, they definitely have them here in Massachusetts. And they hang from pickup trucks exclusively. Interestingly, the drivers of said pickups in Boston are much more like the drivers of said pickups in Texas than they are like, say, the average Prius driver in Cambridge.
I have seen those here in MN too! The first time I saw it I did a double-take, thinking…"Is THAT what it looks like? It CANT' be! That's obscene!" But like you, I was stuck in traffic and had lots of time to ponder the obscenity.
But in looking at the truck, I took note that it was a long box, maybe a dulie, and those often make me think of stallions at stud. (They stand them with their rear legs back when they pose them for photos, probably to show off all their equine perfection.)
So of course, I figured that since that kind of a pickup truck, at least here in the CITIES is more of a..ahem…Freudian concept than a practical one, the little things you and I noticed hanging from them is probably just a revelation of the truck owner's perceived opinion of his own prowess. Or just trying to make up for a deprivation of some sort…..
*ahem*
I live in Minnesota, and I have never seen one. Thank goodness.
When I read the first Quick Take I thought, Oh No…what is it going to be? And laughed out loud when I read what it was
We live in Florida and do have this problem. When I first saw this "display" it took me a while to figure out what it was. Once I did I could not believe it. I'm still disgusted at all the "Calvin" stickers urinating on whatever is out of favor with the driver, such as "Ford," "Chevy," "Osama" or like I saw in the church parking lot yesterday "ex-wife."
After my initial shock wore off, I still think it is mighty crude, but as I told my 14 year old son, "He must not have any." Though I have seen some that have not been as objectionable. One pick-up I've seen has actual large "nuts" minus the bolts, that hang on chains. At least those are more realistic and less likely to elicit a "Mommy, what are those?" question.
I can't believe I just commented on "Trucknutz!"
I totally agree. I live in Tennessee and, while it's not yet a wide spread phenomenon, I've seen them and am horrified.
without a doubt. My favorit 'Quick Takes' ever!
Thank you for starting Friday morning off with a laugh!
Love your sense of humor, Jen.
i have never seen those that i know of. maybe i have and not known what it was. now i will be looking for them. but that is beyond gross.
I have seen them once in the California backcountry on the eastern Sierras. How low can you go?
On the other hand, the kitten vid was hilarious. Especially when they start falling off the vacuum.
Too too too funny! And gross.
And I didn't read the other comments but I just saw Mrs. Darwin's. I was already laughing, and now I might just pee my pants!
I just thank the good Lord that my kids (a) typically can't see that low on the trucks in front of us, (2) are usually reading in the back seat, and (iii) haven't seen a super-high-I-go-mudding truck with a … er … pair dangling.
I hate those things. With a passion. It's EMBARASSING to see them, and people who do that are no better than those with profanity-laden bumper stickers. (Worst ones in my town were the minivans with "Bush S***S" on them. Sheesh, lady, can your kids read? Do you CARE?)
On the other hand, that fig leaf ROCKS!!!
Have a super week! See you after vacation!
I live in Pittsburgh and stay in the city as much as possible. I have never seen such a thing. But I grew up in small-town Oklahoma, and I am certain that some of the guys I knew in high school own those now.
Thank you for speaking up about this absurdity. Something must be done. The only question is…what??
Add Chicago to your list of areas with them! Can't stand seeing them!
God Bless.
Yes, we have them in Virginia, and I think it's indecent (and pathetic).
The chrome ones are bad enough, but yeah, I recently saw the same accessory in…well, not chrome.
It's obscene, and it ought to be stopped.
I have seen such an appendage only once (on a truck, that is). I know I shouldn't have, but I thought it was funny. I'm pretty sure my husband noticed it too, but we avoided discussing what we were both seeing.
& I live on Long Island
Jen,
I'm laughing so hard my kids are getting worried. And oh I lost it again at the kittens.
And I can't read this post to my sister, much as I'd like to. Cause, you know, the kids might hear.
I have to say I don't think I've ever seen the product referenced here in Boston.
I always feel like I should look away or cover my eyes or something. But that can be a challenge; last time I saw such decor (here in Arkansas) it included blinking lights. Just in case anyone hadn't noticed it before.
When I lived in Europe, I never ever saw such a thing. Arkansas is a different story.
This post has inspired me to attach some of these to my Prius and drive around San Francisco. If anyone asks where I got the idea, I will refer them to your site.
We're in Calgary, Alberta (Canada), and I've seen the 'decorations' several times. Most Canadians do call Alberta the Texas of the north, so I suppose that makes sense. *smile*
I find them offensive, but less so than many of the obscene bumper stickers…those leave my children with new and interesting additions to their vocabulary, which I really don't appreciate.
Come to the Cincinnati/Northern KY area. They are EVERYWHERE! Where there are hillbillies and white trash, there also will be Trucknutz. I find them offensive and embarrassing, but what can you do?
I love a local mom's explanation to her kids. She reminded them of that certain part of anatomy on a bull…they live in the country where there are many cows…and said that the man is just advertising that he's a cattle farmer. I guess that made sense to the kids.
OH. MY. GOD. I live in Indianapolis, so not exactly Manhattan, and I have never seen anything like this before in my life. But I'm sure outside of the 'metropolis' of marion county they are plentiful!
WOW. but I mean, LOL for your coverage of the 'trucknutz' phenomenon.
I have seen those and I agree, disgusting.
I live in Arkansas and have actually seen those "dangly bits" a few times. In addition to seeing them on a truck or two, I once saw these dangling from an older chevy Impala 4-door sedan that was jacked up on huge shiny wheels, and had a custom paint job. Go figure.
I personally believe that anyone that would have these on their vehicles really doesn't care what people think. If asked why, they would probably just shrug and say, "What?"
I've seen a less graphic pair in Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada, if that helps out your demographic studies.
Only the once, though.
I've never seen them in Minnesota.
Then again, maybe the men here don't want to expose their nuts to frigid weather. Seeing them frozen with icicles and road salt might push a sensitive male over the edge.
@mrsdarwin…
What you do is, you pull up to the truck, roll down your window, and yell, "I can see why your wife cut them off, but why'd she nail them to your truck?" Of course, this being Texas and all, you may need to be prepared to return fire.
ROFLOL – and still laughing as I type this.
How is it that I live in deep East Texas and have not yet seen these? Maybe i am just reeeeally unobservant.
I only ever see them on trucks. When I lived in the Seattle area it was a rare enough phenomenon, but I have family in TX and so I'd definitely heard of these. Here in Los Angeles though, I have actually seen them firsthand once. I think I'd probably see them more if I were on the freeway more, but I avoid driving in LA like the plague, and not because of the trucknuts. At least not literally. The little devil sitting on my left shoulder says that "trucknut" ought to be used as an insult reserved for inconsiderate drivers who have nuts hanging from their car, don't use their blinker on the freeway, or are otherwise dangerously inconsiderate of others while driving.
The little angel on the other shoulder, who would normally tell me such thoughts should be repented of, is silent on the matter due to being distracted by KITTENS!
Oh my! I just read Mrs. Darwin's snappy comeback. I'm glad I didn't have anything in my mouth!
Wow, I'm happy to report that I have never seen any of those here in Eastern Canada
Just shows you what our culture is coming to!
I've seen Trucknutz in Washington, DC. On a truck with local plates, not a truck belonging to a tea partier.
Wow, I can't believe that after all those comments I actually have something to add to this discussion…I thought FOR SURE that someone else would have seen what I have seen…
Here in Las Vegas I have not yet seen the "Trucknutz." But on multiple occasions I have seen the DIY version: two tennis balls stuffed into the toe of a pair of panythose and hung from the back of the truck.
Oh yeah. Classy.
You know they've got big ones here in Mississippi. Love Mrs. Darwin's comeback.
What's next: something big and blinky to go on the front of the car for ladies? I guess the carbra alreay failed though.
It is SO ironic that you brought this up because JUST THIS WEEK, when I was stuck in (Texas)traffic, I thought "I haven't seen any of those on a truck in a long time. I guess they went out of fashion."
Apparently not.