Comments on: Advice on dealing with difficult family situations? http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html Sun, 12 Feb 2012 04:43:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Anonymous http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-18006 Anonymous Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:43:28 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-18006 The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur might have some insights. The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur might have some insights.

]]> By: Mamie Farish http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17918 Mamie Farish Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:03:39 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17918 I think I would try to minimize times when negative things are said by having activities like games, cooking, serving others--going to nursing homes at Christmas time to sing carols... try to emphasize the best in everybody. I probably would pray at meals and do the things I normally do as a Catholic. They may think I'm quirky, but I'm the first to admit, "I am." I think I would try to minimize times when negative things are said by having activities like games, cooking, serving others–going to nursing homes at Christmas time to sing carols… try to emphasize the best in everybody. I probably would pray at meals and do the things I normally do as a Catholic. They may think I'm quirky, but I'm the first to admit, "I am."

]]> By: cl00bie http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17915 cl00bie Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:32:04 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17915 I think a big part of the snide comments is to get a rise out of you and have you invalidate your own faith by your actions.<br /><br />Many times they cluck their tongues at you when you've risen to their bait and ask: "What would Jesus do?"<br /><br />I reply: "In this case probably freak out, turn over tables, and beat you about the head with a knotted cord".<br /><br />:) I think a big part of the snide comments is to get a rise out of you and have you invalidate your own faith by your actions.

Many times they cluck their tongues at you when you've risen to their bait and ask: "What would Jesus do?"

I reply: "In this case probably freak out, turn over tables, and beat you about the head with a knotted cord".

:)

]]> By: Warren http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17908 Warren Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:30:59 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17908 Here are my own rules. How I handle this:<br /><br />1. Family will always be family. <br /><br />2. I will attend family functions, when I am invited.<br /><br />3. I will leave the room, when I am spoken to with no respect. I will leave the place, and go home if I am disrespected repeatedly.<br /><br />4. If I am disrespected in my own home, then I will say something. But when I am not at home, I prefer not to say much more than "I found that hurtful". <br /><br />5. Friends are different. I don't have a problem with circling the wagons, and leaving a friend out of the circle, if they can't be safely included in it.<br /><br />I think speaking the truth is part of loving.<br /><br />Warren Here are my own rules. How I handle this:

1. Family will always be family.

2. I will attend family functions, when I am invited.

3. I will leave the room, when I am spoken to with no respect. I will leave the place, and go home if I am disrespected repeatedly.

4. If I am disrespected in my own home, then I will say something. But when I am not at home, I prefer not to say much more than "I found that hurtful".

5. Friends are different. I don't have a problem with circling the wagons, and leaving a friend out of the circle, if they can't be safely included in it.

I think speaking the truth is part of loving.

Warren

]]> By: Liza Rose http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17897 Liza Rose Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:56:32 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17897 I agree with the above comments, and believe them to be excellent advice. Personally, there are a couple things I would keep in mind when making your decision.<br /><br />1) Do not lose your peace. Whatever happens, you will know you are doing God's will if you have internal peace. If being around your relatives causes you to lose your peace (not just patience :D ), then it may not be good to stay around them.<br /><br /><br />2) In terms of talking things over with your relatives, you have two options since they do not seem open to verbal communication. First, you can demonstrate your beliefs by your actions. As Matthew Kelly described in his book "Rediscovering Catholicism," people in this day and age are begging "Don't tell me; show me!" This may entail not associating as much with your relatives, but it really depends on your personal situation. (Obviously, as several people mentioned before, it is extremely important that your relatives' actions don't affect your faith and that of your children.) <br /><br />Secondly, don't forget prayer (I'm sure you haven't, though). Remember your family in heaven! You--and your relatives--have a Father who is ever so ready and willing to help. He is sustaining you with His grace right now, and will provide whatever is necessary to make it through this difficult time. There is a reason Jesus gave Mary to us to be our spiritual mother: she is always there to comfort her children and take them to her divine Son. Don't disregard her assistance! Also, you have hosts of brothers and sisters (by flesh and blood -- Christ's on the cross which is received in the Eucharist) in heaven ready to intercede on your behalf. <br /><br /><br />3) Offer things up for the conversion of your relatives. Our Lord told St Faustina, "I desire that you know more profoundly the love that burns in My Heart for souls, and you will understand this when you meditate upon My Passion. Call upon My mercy on behalf of sinners; I desire their salvation. When you say this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I will give him the grace of conversion. This is the prayer: <br />"O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You."" <br /><br />God bless you and your family! I hope that it all smoothes out!<br />Know that you and your family will be in my prayers! I agree with the above comments, and believe them to be excellent advice. Personally, there are a couple things I would keep in mind when making your decision.

1) Do not lose your peace. Whatever happens, you will know you are doing God's will if you have internal peace. If being around your relatives causes you to lose your peace (not just patience :D ), then it may not be good to stay around them.

2) In terms of talking things over with your relatives, you have two options since they do not seem open to verbal communication. First, you can demonstrate your beliefs by your actions. As Matthew Kelly described in his book "Rediscovering Catholicism," people in this day and age are begging "Don't tell me; show me!" This may entail not associating as much with your relatives, but it really depends on your personal situation. (Obviously, as several people mentioned before, it is extremely important that your relatives' actions don't affect your faith and that of your children.)

Secondly, don't forget prayer (I'm sure you haven't, though). Remember your family in heaven! You–and your relatives–have a Father who is ever so ready and willing to help. He is sustaining you with His grace right now, and will provide whatever is necessary to make it through this difficult time. There is a reason Jesus gave Mary to us to be our spiritual mother: she is always there to comfort her children and take them to her divine Son. Don't disregard her assistance! Also, you have hosts of brothers and sisters (by flesh and blood — Christ's on the cross which is received in the Eucharist) in heaven ready to intercede on your behalf.

3) Offer things up for the conversion of your relatives. Our Lord told St Faustina, "I desire that you know more profoundly the love that burns in My Heart for souls, and you will understand this when you meditate upon My Passion. Call upon My mercy on behalf of sinners; I desire their salvation. When you say this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I will give him the grace of conversion. This is the prayer:
"O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You.""

God bless you and your family! I hope that it all smoothes out!
Know that you and your family will be in my prayers!

]]> By: Mike L http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17896 Mike L Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:37:04 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17896 Two things that I heard a long time ago have been of great help to me. The first was that "sometimes the best relationship is a separation of 2000 miles and an anonymous card at Christmas." While I don't think I have ever had to really put this into practice, I find a truth in it that calms me enough that I don't have to follow it.<br /><br />The second piece of advice was, "when you change, the balance changes, and the family will demand you change back to restore the old balance. If you don't they will in effect say change back or else. If you continue on they will either adjust to a new balance, or will exclude you." I suspect in this case that they will accept the change eventually and a new balance will be established.<br /><br />One point that has been already pointed out, but I will reinforce is that there is no need for you to justify your actions to them or defend yourself. Engaging in either action kind of indicates that maybe you are open to going back to the old balance and keeps the game going.<br /><br />My daughter has left the Catholic Church and joined the Lutheran Church. While it upset me, I find I have to accept her choice since I know challenging her would simply drive a wedge between us. For now I am happy to know that she is practicing her Christianity (probably more so than many Catholics I know), and hope that in the future the Holy Spirit will bring her back. Two things that I heard a long time ago have been of great help to me. The first was that "sometimes the best relationship is a separation of 2000 miles and an anonymous card at Christmas." While I don't think I have ever had to really put this into practice, I find a truth in it that calms me enough that I don't have to follow it.

The second piece of advice was, "when you change, the balance changes, and the family will demand you change back to restore the old balance. If you don't they will in effect say change back or else. If you continue on they will either adjust to a new balance, or will exclude you." I suspect in this case that they will accept the change eventually and a new balance will be established.

One point that has been already pointed out, but I will reinforce is that there is no need for you to justify your actions to them or defend yourself. Engaging in either action kind of indicates that maybe you are open to going back to the old balance and keeps the game going.

My daughter has left the Catholic Church and joined the Lutheran Church. While it upset me, I find I have to accept her choice since I know challenging her would simply drive a wedge between us. For now I am happy to know that she is practicing her Christianity (probably more so than many Catholics I know), and hope that in the future the Holy Spirit will bring her back.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17895 Anonymous Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:32:40 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17895 I find that saying "I don't understand why that is funny" in response to an inappropriate or bigoted comment is the best response. If the joke-teller is forced to explain, he'll realize it's not funny at all. And if you respond this way every time, he'll stop telling such jokes.<br /><br />I agree with those who said that you need to keep your children out of earshot of blasphemous or bigoted comments. I find that saying "I don't understand why that is funny" in response to an inappropriate or bigoted comment is the best response. If the joke-teller is forced to explain, he'll realize it's not funny at all. And if you respond this way every time, he'll stop telling such jokes.

I agree with those who said that you need to keep your children out of earshot of blasphemous or bigoted comments.

]]> By: maria http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17894 maria Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:07:05 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17894 Laugh it off! Don't give it some power it really does not have! And, it's always more fun to pick on someone who is easily annoyed!<br />As for distancing yourself from the offenders, I would advise you against it in principle. God is supposed to bring people together, not create barriers between them. Isolation will only give the offenders grounds for criticizing your religious options. Laugh it off! Don't give it some power it really does not have! And, it's always more fun to pick on someone who is easily annoyed!
As for distancing yourself from the offenders, I would advise you against it in principle. God is supposed to bring people together, not create barriers between them. Isolation will only give the offenders grounds for criticizing your religious options.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17893 Anonymous Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:52:19 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17893 For they will know we are Christians by our love. <br /><br />Love was Jesus' answer to all the ridicule, hatred, and anger he faced. Loving your family in spite of their cruel words and insensitive jibes is the Christian response. Your consistent turning of the other cheek and loving acceptance of them inspite of their flaws and failings will convince them more than any arguement that you truly BELIEVE and practice what you preach. This is of course much easier said than done. Pray, pray, pray! The Lord will provide the grace you need.<br /><br />Blessings and prayers. For they will know we are Christians by our love.

Love was Jesus' answer to all the ridicule, hatred, and anger he faced. Loving your family in spite of their cruel words and insensitive jibes is the Christian response. Your consistent turning of the other cheek and loving acceptance of them inspite of their flaws and failings will convince them more than any arguement that you truly BELIEVE and practice what you preach. This is of course much easier said than done. Pray, pray, pray! The Lord will provide the grace you need.

Blessings and prayers.

]]> By: Johanna Lamb =) http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html/comment-page-1#comment-17892 Johanna Lamb =) Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:17:29 +0000 http://gator1217.hostgator.com/~fulwiler/2009/12/advice-on-dealing-with-difficult-family-situations.html#comment-17892 There is a double standard in our culture. If you took that antagonizing view toward their beliefs then you would be intolerant and pushy but somehow it's culturally acceptable for them to say these things to you.<br /><br />I can't say I have any new advice, I will keep your family in my prayers. <br /><br />If there is anything you can to to disarm them (humor, compassion) that might help. <br /><br />Inside each one of the family members is a soul longing to hear the truth. If what you had wasn't so important they wouldn't say anything about it. They may be closer to the kingdom than we realize:) There is a double standard in our culture. If you took that antagonizing view toward their beliefs then you would be intolerant and pushy but somehow it's culturally acceptable for them to say these things to you.

I can't say I have any new advice, I will keep your family in my prayers.

If there is anything you can to to disarm them (humor, compassion) that might help.

Inside each one of the family members is a soul longing to hear the truth. If what you had wasn't so important they wouldn't say anything about it. They may be closer to the kingdom than we realize:)

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