Those “little” sins

This post was originally published on September 16, 2009.

cat Those little sinsA couple years ago I had some serious angst about the neighborhood kids frequently ringing my doorbell and running. The problem was that they tended to do it during my kids’ naptimes, and the fact that they would beat the door a couple times and hit the doorbell about five times was always enough to startle my children and wake them. I even talked to them about it, explained the problems it caused me, and they looked me in the eye and said they wouldn’t do it anymore. And then they kept doing it. And let me tell you. After about the fifth time I found myself sitting on the couch holding three young children who had previously been sleeping peacefully, all now fussing and crying from being woken prematurely, I started to see red.

One of the pranksters lived next door, an 11-year-old girl named Riley, and she and the others would often cross the line into our yard to play with a friendly white outdoor cat we’d inherited from the previous owner of this house. We were planning to give the cat to some friends since we never exactly signed up for petcare duties, but in the meantime I liked having her around, and I always watched the kids closely to make sure they didn’t harm her. It turned out that that was one area in which I didn’t need to worry; the neighbor kids, especially Riley, always seemed to treat the cat well.

One afternoon I walked out front and Riley and her friends shouted over to ask me where the cat was. I was so irritated I could hardly look at them. The day before I’d needed a break so badly, and they’d repeatedly rung the doorbell yet again and woke my children 20 minutes into their naps. I’d opened the door to try to catch them but they were too fast, and I was just standing there in the doorway, red-faced and on the brink of tears, as I heard them snickering from some hiding place a few yards away. Oh, and I felt old. And dumpy. And hated. And it brought back bad memories from junior high. (I emphasize all this woe-is-me stuff so that you will maybe think I’m a slightly less awful person for what I thought of next…)

I muttered that I didn’t know where the cat was in response to their question, but an idea occurred to me: after our friends took the cat, the next time the kids asked about her I could say something like, “Sorry, kids, the difficulty of having my children’s naps constantly interrupted stressed me out so much that I had to dump her at the pound!”

I snickered at my plan. That would be satisfying. I knew it wasn’t the right way to handle it, but, like any good sinner, I rationalized away such inconvenient thoughts. Sure, it would be somewhat sinful — it was a lie, and my vengeful motives were an act against love — but it would really be just a little sin. A harmless joke, really. No big deal. Maybe at some point I’d even tell them the truth.

Fast forward a few months: I disconnected the doorbell, and the Holy Spirit miraculously brought me together with the girls, who ended up becoming fixtures in my living room (that whole story here). Also, the cat stayed. Our friends couldn’t take her in so we adopted her by default.

About six months into my friendship with the girls, one Saturday afternoon Riley and Carmen stopped by my house while they waited for Riley’s mom to pick them up. Over the course of our friendship I had found out that the neighbors Riley lived with were not her parents; she was not able to live with her mom due to some kind of difficult situation. But today was a special day because she was going to get to visit her mom’s house for the weekend and even bring a friend! Both girls had fixed their hair and painted their nails bright colors for the occasion, packed some clothes and snacks into backpacks, and Carmen’s mom had bought them new little purses to take on their trip.

They said they only had a minute before she arrived, so we kept our conversation brief. But thirty minutes later, they were still there. They both began shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

Then Riley’s cell phone rang. She stepped into the other room and I heard a snipped of the conversation with her aunt in which she whispered, “She said 11:45…” I looked at the clock. It was 12:30.

Riley came back into the room and laughed nervously, saying that her mom was late sometimes. Then her phone rang again; she listened for a moment, then hung up. Her mom wasn’t coming. Riley indicated that this wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened, saying with a forced laugh that she figured that this is how it would go. I thought my heart was going to break in half.

Almost on cue my children opened the back door and let the cat in, and her presence in the tense living room was a welcome diversion for all of us.

Riley scooped her up and said, “I love Snowball.”

We’d never named the cat, so I was surprised to hear her called that. Eager to change the subject to anything other than the failed weekend plans, I asked her where she came up with that name.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I just liked it. And I wanted my cat to have a special name.”

Her cat? I asked her what she meant by that, and over the next few minutes I learned that the previous owner of my house had also asked Riley’s relatives if they wanted the cat, and they had said Riley could have her. He didn’t tell them that he also asked us if we wanted the cat; each of us thought we were the only owners. That explained so much! The kids being unusually vocal in asking about her, following her into my yard, the fact that the cat never seemed to eat that much — it all came together.

Riley proceeded to cuddle and kiss the cat, talking about how she would sometimes let her into her room when she felt lonely at night. “Sometimes I feel like she’s the only one I have to talk to,” she said.

And then I remembered my little “plan.”

Let me just tell you, internet, that seeing how much that child loved that cat — her cat — and knowing now a little bit more about how difficult her life had been, when I thought about how close I’d come to letting her think her cat had been taken to the pound, I wanted to slink down into the baseboards like the scum that I was. I could hardly concentrate on the rest of our conversation because I was so busy inwardly shouting prayers of thanksgiving to God for having mercy on those of us who occasionally find ourselves caught up in a perfect storm of selfishness, thoughtlessness and intense stupidity.

I think about that moment of Riley cuddling her cat on the day her mom didn’t show up any time I catch myself rationalizing away some “little” sin. I already knew on some level that even the smallest acts against love hurt God more than we could understand; as I learned that afternoon, sometimes those little sins hurt our fellow human beings more than we could understand too.

photo by fling93

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23 Responses to “Those “little” sins”
  1. Love this post! Thanks for reposting it!
    Charlotte (Matilda) recently posted..Pattern Helper

  2. Loved this post! Thanks for reposting it!
    Charlotte (Matilda) recently posted..Pattern Helper

  3. Kimberlie says:

    I think this was one of the very first posts I ever read on your blog. I am glad for the reminder today. I have also been struggling with an issue today, the whole “set apart, not of this world, be holy” issue. I don’t know why I struggle so much after so many years with doing/saying the wrong thing and reacting in anger and a get even attitude.
    Kimberlie recently posted..The Unwanted Child

  4. Gina says:

    Ohhhh, wow.

  5. Hallie Lord says:

    This is one of my favorites, Jen. Thanks for reposting it!
    Hallie Lord recently posted..Mango Eye Candy

  6. I’m so glad you reposted this one. It’s such a powerful reminder of how little things we do or don’t do can make a huge difference in the lives of others.
    Lisa @ Cheerfully Chaotic recently posted..Blogger meet-up!

  7. One of my kids once wailed, ” Aaaaaaaagh! Don’t don’t tell me that every little thing I do is important!” But it is. A story like yours illustrates it nicely.

    –C.B.
    Catholic Bibliophagist recently posted..For Where Your Treasure Is

  8. Jessica says:

    I love this post, and am glad to read it again.

    I’m sure I’m not the first to ask, but do you have any updates on your “little neighborhood friends?” You were obviously a “good thing” to happen to them. I hope and pray they’re well.

  9. Melody says:

    I really needed this today. This is a fantastic lesson for everyone to learn.
    Melody recently posted..Why a blog

  10. Theresa in Alberta says:

    Thankyou Lord!! I never read this story, thankyou for reposting!! Dear Riley….I feel so sorry for your mother missing out on visiting with such a great person as you!!!!!!!!
    Please, give us an update on Miss Riley :-)

  11. Sue says:

    I remembered this post, and wasn’t going to read it at first, but here I sit wiping tears. What an important lesson for us all. It was very timely for me in particular, because we are dealing with an issue with some neighborhood kids that are not very nice to my son who has special needs. After reading this I feel more motivated to pray for them, and to think about how I can reach out to them, rather than avoiding them. Thanks so much for sharing this again!
    Sue recently posted..Snapshots

  12. Ruth Ann says:

    I deeply appreciate this post for two reasons. One, I once worked with a small group of 5th grade girls whose parents were divorced. This sort of story was common among them, and every time I heard it my heart broke. Two, my parents were divorced when I was ten, but our dad, the non-custodial parent, faithfully came and took us somewhere EVERY week. I was not happy about the divorce situation, but I treasure my father’s faithfulness. It showed he cared, and he did.
    Ruth Ann recently posted..Sin and Scandal

  13. magda says:

    It is the little sins that haunt me the most.

  14. Elizabeth says:

    What a wonderful story! I just clicked through and read the whole progression of your relationship with these girls. I admire you so much for taking a frustrating situation and praying through it, allowing God to transform it into such a source for love and life! Jesus is so cool. :-) What could have been a “little” sin turned into a big blessing for you and especially for those girls. Awesome. It’s times like these when I wish I could give God a high five for working in such simple ways! Haha!

  15. Jamie Jo says:

    Oh, my goodness, with tears in my eyes, You can just see the Holy Spirit working in all of your lives. Beautiful story.
    Jamie Jo recently posted..Very Thankful Thursday

  16. Oh-I remember this one, too. But the reminder was needed and thoughtful. Thanks, Jennifer. (I’m looking forward to the update,too).
    FullSpectrumMom recently posted..Faith- Reason- and Grace

  17. Our words can be so powerful, especially with children.

  18. MelanieB says:

    I love this story. So glad you reposted it. I think I definitely needed a reminder that there are no “little sins”.
    MelanieB recently posted..Bellas 5th Birthday

  19. Maria says:

    Great Post!!!! Someone once told me, there’s no such thing as a “little” sin. Sin is an offense against God Himself, and that’s always a big deal.

  20. Maria Leblanc says:

    –C.B. It showed he cared, and he did.
    Maria Leblanc recently posted..Swiffer Mops