Notes from beneath the veil
I wore a chapel veil to church for the first time ever yesterday. It’s something I’d wanted to/felt called to do for years, and I finally committed to doing it during Lent. I didn’t make it to Mass last week because, you know, snakes on a plane, so this Sunday’s Mass was my first shot at it.
My biggest concern was not drawing attention to myself. Though a few women at my parish do wear scarves, hats, or veils in church, they’re a small minority, and I didn’t want to feel like I stood out. So when we arrived I slipped into the pew discreetly, which was made easier by the fact that I only had my five-year-old daughter with me (the one of dragon-defeating fame) since Joe had taken the others to vigil Mass the day before. After the first Scripture reading I finally began to relax, and by the end of the Gospel I felt confident that I was just an anonymous face in the crowd.
And then Fr. Uche began his homily. The Gospel reading was about the Transfiguration, and when he introduced the topic, he mused, “What did Jesus go up the mountain to do?” I jumped when a voice beside me shouted at the loudest possible volume:
“TO PWAY!!!!!”
That would be my sweet daughter’s pronunciation of “pray.” She’s so excited about Jesus and was so delighted to know the answer that she just had to scream it at the very top of her lungs — and, wow, who knew that a young child’s voice could fill an entire huge building like that? The church was packed with about 1,100 people, and I am pretty sure that every single one of them looked over at us in that moment. I had already felt like THE WOMAN IN THE CHAPEL VEIL!!!!, and now I felt like THE WOMAN IN THE CHAPEL VEIL WHOM WE’RE ALL NOW STARING AT BECAUSE HER KID YELLS AT THE PRIEST DURING MASS!!!!
Anyway.
I’ve gotten a lot of comments and emails from women who said that they were interested in covering their heads but had never tried it, so I thought I’d share my experience in case others find it helpful. And yes, there is definitely something ironic, and possibly a little lame, about undertaking a practice that’s all about humility and hiddenness and then writing about it on your blog. I get that. But I’m going to go ahead and crack open that can of worms anyway, because I know that it’s something a lot of us have thought about, and I think that at least a few folks might find a discussion about the practice to be fruitful.
First, a bit of background:
What I Wore
I especially wanted to share this detail since I know a lot of us have a hard time finding something we can feel truly comfortable wearing. I am thrilled to have discovered this chapel veil, which is based on an infinity scarf, from the Liturgical Time Etsy Shop. What’s great about it is that it can be worn as a scarf…
Looking a little tense because I was running late...
And then slipped over your head to use as a veil!
...Happy now because I realized I could explain, "Father, I was late for Holy Mass for a good reason: I was taking pictures of myself!"
The design allowed it to stay on my head easily — I didn’t need any bobby pins to keep it in place. Also, it helped me relax to know that I could just drop it down and wear it around my neck if it got to be too much to hassle with.
Which brings us to the question: Why did I get myself into this in the first place?
Why I Wanted to Do It
The practice of women covering their heads at church made sense to me from the first moment I encountered it. It’s not a tradition I’ve ever wondered about, wrestled with, or felt hostile to in any way.
It started, in fact, with my observations about the practice of men removing their head coverings when entering a church. Here in Texas it’s common for men to wear hats, especially cowboy hats, and it was even more common when I was younger. I grew up seeing dashing gentlemen in their fine Stetsons; I’d often come across black-and-white pictures of my grandfathers and their fathers from the 40s, looking like movie stars in their suits and fedoras. On a gut level I understood that men can enhance their appearances dramatically with headwear.
Rarely is a man’s hair his best feature. Many males have thinning hair, and, at least in our society, they don’t have tons of acceptable options for hairstyles anyway. So, for that gender, hats are a prime opportunity to improve their physical appearance and draw attention to themselves. When I was a child I occasionally ended up in churches for weddings or funerals, and when I saw the men remove their hats, they always looked a little smaller and less powerful after doing so. I understood on a visceral level that for a man to bare his head was an act of humility.
For women, it’s the opposite.
Our hair is one of the main ways we express our individuality. Even for those of us who have no skill at hairdressing, the cut and style of our locks speaks volumes about how we want want people to perceive us. It’s also one of the primary ways we make ourselves beautiful. Imagine a girl standing in front of a mirror, heading out to a party, determined to look as gorgeous as possible…but totally neglecting her hair. It wouldn’t happen. When women want to attract attention with their physical beauty, their hair is one of the first things they think about. It’s a fact of human nature that both genders tend to notice women’s physical appearances, moreso than they do with men’s appearances, and hair is a crucial part of that.
So, long before I’d heard any exegesis about First Corinthians or encountered horror stories about women in abusive congregations being pushed to cover their heads because they were seen as inferior, the idea just kinda made sense to me. I didn’t (and still don’t) think it’s a big deal. I would not push others to undertake that practice if it didn’t feel right to them. It simply seemed to me that men uncovering their heads and women covering theirs was a nice, optional thing that people could do to deflect attention from themselves in a holy place.
Standing Out
If it’s true that this practice is all about blending in, wouldn’t wearing a chapel veil defeat the purpose? I thought. If I end up being THE WOMAN IN THE CHAPEL VEIL!!!!, as I was afraid I would be, then I would actually be drawing more attention to myself than if I didn’t cover my head in the first place. Yet that’s not what happened.
To be sure, one of the reasons it wasn’t an issue is that some women do cover their heads at our parish. Again, it’s not common, but you see it often enough that it doesn’t surprise anyone. It might have been a different story if we went to a more casual church where a woman wearing a veil would be the only one doing so. (Kelly has some great suggestions for those situations.) But the biggest reason that I think I ultimately blended in is this:
It’s hard for a woman with a covered head to be the center of attention.
When I thought of my own reaction to encountering women wearing scarves or veils, it dawned on me that you don’t spend much time looking at them because there’s simply not that much to see. Even if you do a double-take when you first glance at them, your focus soon drifts to something else since you can’t see many of the details that make people interesting to look at. Their hair, most of their heads, and many of the details of their faces and necks are obscured. They wouldn’t hold your attention because it’s boring to look at a bunch of fabric.
What Will People Think?
On the way to church my Neurotic ESP kicked into gear, and I could already hear everyone else’s thoughts:
Wait, isn’t that the same lady who wore jeans to Mass last week and said “And also with you” at the sign of peace?
And:
Did I just see a woman in a chapel veil GENUFLECT ON THE WRONG KNEE?!?!?
These voices continued to pipe up in my imagination once I got inside the church…but when I tried to apply them to actual people, it all broke down.
There was Roxanne, who once dropped everything to come over and pray with me when I was having a hard time. Scattered throughout the pews were at least eight wonderful folks who had brought us homemade meals after babies were born and after my recent health issues. Across the aisle was my friend who volunteers at our church’s health clinic to serve those who can’t pay for medical care; over to the left was the gentleman who recently gave a large amount of financial assistance to a young couple with a crisis pregnancy whom he met when they turned around from an abortion mill where he’d been praying; and behind him was the couple who has cared for over 20 at-risk children through the local foster care system. Noe was undoubtedly out there somewhere too.
Waves of shame rushed through me when I realized: these are the people whom I assumed would be judging me.
Even I am not horrible enough to spend the Mass fixated on other people, rendering damning character assessments based on their outward appearances…yet I assumed that that’s what my brothers and sisters in Christ would do to me?
It was at that moment that I realized that this exercise in head covering brought with it an important, and surprisingly difficult, opportunity for spiritual growth: to presume other people’s charity.
* * *
I think that that last point was my biggest takeaway. To my great surprise, it seemed to me that the people around me were (wait for it…this is going to be shocking…) focused more on the Mass than they were on me. I know, amazing.
It reminded me of the advice that Dr. Phil used to give guests on his show: “You wouldn’t worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.” (Let me hasten to note that I do not get all my life wisdom from daytime talk shows anymore.) (Now it mostly comes from Pinterest.) Anyway, I have rarely found that saying to be more true than when I covered my head at Mass. Nobody cared — nobody — and it was prideful of me to assume that anyone would in the first place.
So if you’ve ever considered wearing a head covering to church, I encourage you to do it. I think you’ll find it to be a beautiful exercise in hiddenness…as long as you remind your children not to shout at the top of their lungs when the priest asks a question during the homily.
(P.S. Since I included a couple of pictures, I’m counting this as a What I Wore Sunday post!)
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I don’t veil, but I love women who do…. I am just giddy about this post. Thank you! (And, I had no idea there was a scarf/veil. That might just push me further in the veiled direction!)
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Good luck with that. I wore one until our new priest immediately pegged me as “one of THOSE people”–meaning arch-conservative. I have yet to recover and have since stopped wearing the veil as a gesture of peace. Just so you know.
I have been veiling for a year now, even when I am visiting another parish and there has not been a single issue, ever.
@ Pamala
…it was totally wrong for your priest to make that awful comment. Wearing a veil has been a long standing tradition of our faith. I think you should put your veil back on.. Do you think he would have said that to Our Blessed Mother. If Mary veiled before her very own Son why as ordinary women would we not be called and why shouldn’t we veil in front of our Eucharist Lord…discern again and ask the Holy Spirit to temper his contempt for the tradition of our faith that is 2000 years old..not just 40 since VCII….
Actually, a head covering was the tradition. Hats and scarves always have been acceptable. The use of a veil/mantilla is a very recent development.
I am sorry for the negativity you received especially from a person who is supposed to be encouraging you in your journey of faith. I am a convert and felt pulled to veiling about a year after entering into full communion with the church. I would like to offer my personal perspective to you. I chose to veil as a sign of submission and reverence to my Savior as well as the added benefit of modesty. Most of the parishes that I attend, I am the only one who wears a head covering and sometimes I can get a lot of staring eyes. (though I don’t feel any judgement from most of them) I do wish is didn’t draw attention but I have thought a great deal about it and realized my veiling is a commitment between me and my Savior. It has nothing to do with anyone else’s opinion of me or my veil. If I were wearing it as a fashion statement then that would be one thing but I don’t. If Christ has called you to veil, for whatever reason, then I pray you will pick it back up and pray for those who don’t understand because criticism from others has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own issues and insecurities. as long as you are not imposing your choices and beliefs on others than nothing you chose to do or believe should be offensive to anyone else. If they are offended then perhaps they should look at the root of why YOUR beliefs offend THEM. May God bless you and keep you… I will pray for you and your priest.
I would also like to add that our parishes could certainly use a bit more conservative behavior!
It has been a great blessing for us to veil. And as far as “what will people think?” everybody just get’s used to it.
A very enjoyable post Jennifer, thanks. Haha, I would love for you to write another when after wearing veils for a long long time, you suddenly cannot locate yours and have to sit thru a Mass without one. It is like showing up without shoes!
EXACTLY! LOL
I love this post too – I’ve been veiling for 2 years now and I started in Lent too.
Great post, thank you! Veiling is something I think about periodically and this was very helpful. I really like the one you were wearing!
I wish you could see the look on my face when I clicked that etsy link and realized I could consolidate all my scarves and veils into one efficient super-accessory!
Very nice!
I too was concerned when I started wearing a veil. Not just because women who veil are a small segment of the parish population… but because my paleness sticks out in our predominantly Hispanic/Portugese parish community. But truth be told, I was open to veiling before I finally converted.
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I have been reading your great blog since I saw you on The Journey Home; I love what you are doing! I recently returned to the Catholic Church and have fallen in love with my faith and your blog just re-ignites my passion. After laughing hysterically at your genuflection comment (I love that you can laugh at yourself!) I watched your three episode show and thoroughly enjoyed it. Having been raised in a Catholic family of four girls and one boy, I could relate to the craziness of your home! I look forward to having your book in my hands and buying copies for my grown kids and friends. Keep up the great work and never lose the passion!! Now I am thinking I want to wear a veil to church too! You make some of the old fashioned stuff about the church seem so relevant and hip.
I know it’s late in repsonse, but I agree with your comment!
Nice post. Thanks for sharing this.
But ladies, let’s remember that our talk of “veiling” and theologizing it, no less, would be foreign to our grandmothers and sounds vaguely Muslim, to boot. Catholic women wore headcoverings – sometimes chapel veils, often hats, sometimes kleenex – because it was a tradition and because before the mid-20th century men and women rarely went outside without their head covered – anywhere. And the men would take their hats off inside, the women, not.
The point was not a “veil” as some modern commentators like to say and theologize. The point was simply a head covering, and while everyone knew some sort of vague spiritual reason behind it, it was mostly cultural and headcoverings – a mantilla or a cloche hat or just *something* bobbypinned to your head – was the way it was thought of, not as “veiling”.
Suburban Banshee covered this super well in this post:
http://suburbanbanshee.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/in-the-old-days-most-us-catholic-women-wore-hats/
The difference between a devout Catholic woman veiling and a Muslim woman covering up is significant. When I decided to wear a chapel veil to the Extraordinary Form (Latin Mass)a few year ago, it was because I wanted to express outwardly my inner faith life. It was a very personal and intimate decision. It went along with my innate desire to dress with dignity and modesty. I felt no constraint to do so.
I really fail to see how it can possibly ever have a negative connotation, and I do not agree that it equals any other “head covering,” such as a stylish hat.
On the other hand, many (but not nearly all) women who cover up in Islamic countries are often dressing to conform to a secular or sharia law, or dressing to please another, like a male family member. The modesty is tied to a cultural shame, rather than dignity.
Having said that, I am positive there are many Muslim women in westernized nations who dress out of a personal desire toward a special modesty and dignity as well.
I do not agree that it equals any other “head covering,” such as a stylish hat.
Subjectively, perhaps. For the Church, a hat or scarf is objectively equal to a chapel veil or mantilla.
I couldn’t agree with you more Nancy. I grew up attending the Tridentine Mass where we always wore a chapel veil, mantilla or hat to church, most of the time choosing the mantilla. I still attend that mass. I’ve never “veiled” in my life. That term has a specific connotation and is definitely associated with Muslim women, not Catholics. As a Catholic who loves Jesus, I wouldn’t be caught dead “veiling”.
I agree with you but I will keep an open mind and stick with what the Catholic Church’s current stance is. Either way is fine with me. If I ever wear a veil again it will be because I am in the presence of the Lord and not because I am “veiling.” Never heard that word growing up when as a young girl, I wore a veil. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I do not like the sound of it.
I liked this article and what Michelle had to say about the veil.
http://www.catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/the-veil-and-i
Slightly off topic here but when I read your comment this came to mind. Last year we left the parish we had been attending for about 5 years when it was taken over by a pastoral admin. That is a long story and not one I want to get into here. Anyway one day while she was giving the Homily (Yes, one of the many reasons we left) she compared the “Out of date practice” of women wearing a head covering to Mass to women being forced to wear a burka.
This was of course the Mass that two of my daughters choose to wear a head scarf. Let’s just say it was not an altogether positive experience for us.
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Thanks Nancy. I’m old enough that I remember when women and girls covered their heads in church, as a gesture of respect. Your are right that mantillas didn’t come in until the 1960′s. My mother and grandmother always wore hats. I wore a hat on Sunday, or a little lace thingy or a beanie for school Masses (I regret to say that I had a Barbie-pink mantilla as a teen). I get the respect part. I just don’t get the whole vibe with “veiling”. But if people find it meaningful, by all means, go for it; I wouldn’t dream of making negative comments to them. But I think my mantilla (the nice one, not the pink one) will remain in the cedar chest.
If you look at the illustrations in the St Joseph’s Baltimore Catechism, you will see that all the women are wearing hats, not veils. I think that in the United States, the practice of wearing a veil became common as hats went out of style ( early 1960′s or so). I have never seen a photo of an American woman wearing a chapel veil prior to 1960.
I think you all are missing the significant cultural explaination as to the prevailance of the mantilla. As the name itself implies, it is a tradition imported from Spain and other Latin American cultures. The hats you tout as normal from the 60s are from the Anglo culture.
Just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
It just so happens that hats aren’t as stylish this decade, hence the tendance for mantillas and scarves over hats.
The problem – as aptly demonstrated in these comments – is the spiritualizing of “veiling” which is being pumped up as “traditional” – when it is no such thing.
If you look at the illustrations in the St Joseph’s Baltimore Catechism, you will see that all the women are wearing hats, not veils.
Fantastic post! Let me be the first already-veiling lady (I predict those above me will one day try one on) to comment.
I found my transition as the first veiled lady at our very small parish to be eased by the fact that I took up covering before I became Catholic. In fact, one might say it was the road that eventually brought me to Rome (through many other paths, of course). So my friends (who have been my friends for years prior to my conversion) already knew me as that weird girl in a headscarf. At first, I wore my very long hair in a bun with a scarf tied tichel-style over it. But I was very taken with the mantilla style veils, and eventually I made one–I’m crafty like that–and broke it out, of all places, at our parish picnic/mass at the river! The scarf I had intended to wear that day had gotten spilled on, and the veil was the only covering I had. I love the chapel veils, and also sometimes enjoy wearing a larger scarf draped around my head and shoulders. And we’ve recently had another lady join our parish who covers. I’m hoping we influence some of the others. 
I think it’s a beautiful devotion, and it’s sad the practice was lost. And you’re absolutely right. No one cares as much as we worry they will (perhaps that’s a device of the enemy?) what we wear on our heads. My friends just see me. And if to some I’m “the lady in the chapel veil” well, I’m okay with being a bit unusual. 
Well, shoot, this is what happens when you take a long time to type a comment. I’m not the first
and I won’t presume to predict for Nancy, just in case she got offended that I would. 
Love this post and you look beautiful! What a neat veil! I’ll have to remember that etsy shop for the next time I order a new veil!
I, too, started wearing a veil for Lent back in 2006 or 2007. I had most of the same feelings that you mentioned, but have sure grown to love wearing it over the years. It seems like it is becoming more and more common now, even in liberal states like my own, to see at least a few other women wearing veils!
God bless you and your family!
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How timely! I’ve been wanting to give veiling a try.
Are you wearing the single or double loop? Long or short?
Lovely design.
Oh, good question! I got the Dark Chocolate color, single loop. I’m not sure about the length.
Well, apparently there are MANY women interested in a headcovering. The etsy shop is sold out of this style in brown and won’t have any more till end of March/April.
I don’t normally wear a veil to church, but do think it is a sign of reverence. I can remember wearing hats and head coverings when I was much younger and felt relieved when the Church relaxed the rules on this. Now, I actually miss wearing something on my head — especially on bad hair days.
This looks very attractive on you. I may just have to order one soon, as it certainly is a great accessory to have and I am thinking about reviving that spirit of reverence in church.
Will you be giving one of these away on your blog?
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“Will you be giving one of these away on your blog?”
Not a bad idea! I might contact the seller about that.
Crap, now I am thinking about doing it- it definitely always kind of weirded/freaked me out, but you have pretty much changed my mind. You look so beautiful!
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Jennifer, LOVE this post!
Kudos to you, girl, for following your heart and silencing your inner critic.
I started routinely covering at Mass a couple of months ago. But not with a veil, with one of these: http://www.amazon.com/Pop-Womens-Fashion-Knitted-Crochet/dp/B0096DPZV6/ref=pd_sbs_a_2
I have two of them (one in black, one brown) and they are lightweight for indoors (in Philly, that is. Where we have, y’know, winter.) but I have to fine super-lightweight ones as Spring is threatening to arrive.
Blessings,
Jewels
P.S. You look gorgeous in your veil, dear
Thank you for this! While I don’t wear a veil, you’ve written the FIRST explanation of why to veil that has ever made sense to me. None of the other explanations I have read every seemed to make a lot of sense, but the way you related it to men and hats and thinning hair and all that really did make a lot of sense. I didn’t grow up in Texas, but I’ve always loved the way a man looks in a cowboy hat.
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I have not wore my veil in awhile, it is mainly because the veil never stays on and normally I am rushing to get into the car to go to Mass. Thank you for linking that Esty account. I am thinking of looking into wearing my veil again, it just takes me to find the right veil for me. (I know sounds vain, but really it is I am not comfortable with the veil I own now.)
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Just a suggestion–as the mother of small children, I definitely know what you mean about having trouble getting them to stay put–I sew hair combs in mine.
Love the scarf-veil! My veils definitely need bobby pins to stand up to a 14-month old and a 3 yr old boy. I’ve been veiling for about 3 yrs now, every since we moved. It feels normal, natural, and not at all weird in our beautiful Cathedral where there are a few other woman with veils or hats. I definitely felt a bit conspicuous at first, especially when visiting more contemporary, casual-type churches on vacation, where I was the only one in a dress, no less a veil, but I just stopped thinking about it because, sheesh, I have enough to think about and juggle with my boys, I can’t think about other people too. Although the other week when my older son randomly threw his brother’s teddy bear off the balcony, I had a “The veil lady’s son tossed the bear!” moment
I was gearing up for some sort of Princess Bride moment “mawwiage….” as you quoted the dragonista!
I am so happy that you are sharing this – perhaps giving your large audience the courage to veil. I still get looks at my parish but the effort towards reverence for me is worth it. Unfortunately I know several women who wish to veil but they don’t want to embarrass their husbands (I’m in TX too, you know what I mean).
We recently had a “the veil lady’s toddler spit in her face moment.” (Then the veil lady’s husband escorted him out)
This is really well written and, as usual, approaches the subject with humor, humility, and depth – a rare trifecta! I have thus far not been called to cover my head, though I almost wish I was. (Odd.) Your points about why it is appropriate to cover while men uncover and how the headcovering actually deflects attention rather than attracts it are insightful and not judgmental. I will be sharing this post when this comes up in discussion – thank you!
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wow. i’ve always been confused about the veil-wearing issue!! this is the most clarifying piece i’ve ever read. God bless you!!
your daughter yelling “to pway!” reminds me of the time that Beatrix, on returning to our seat after walking with me for communion, started crying out, “Body of Christ! Body of Christ!” repeatedly out of her sorrow over once again, not being able to receive. She was three at the time. Despite our talking to her about it over and over again, each week at mass for many weeks she would hope that maybe the priest or eucharistic minister would overlook her small stature and place the host into her outstretched hand. Anyway, that particular Sunday was pretty awesome. And we were sitting on the second row.
The picture of you in the veil is pretty great. You should make that your profile picture
I lean towards wanting to start veiling. I’ve worn one in the EF masses I’ve been to, but that’s rare. It was definitely a different feeling! There is only one woman in our new parish that veils (that I’m aware of), and she took hers off a couple of weeks ago. I was shocked and disturbed through the whole Mass! Yes, I was paying attention, but not judging. Turns out, she had washed her hair and it was too slippery to stay on. Whew.
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Well hello there… wow I think that veil looks pretty
modest, because of the colour it kind of ‘blends in’
nicely. You have been writing about wearing a veil to
mass for a while. I thought about wearing a veil when I
got married, but didn’t dare it, basically because I had
already 1001 reasons to feel nervous as a bride. Yes, I
am sure you were not invisible (or inhearable…). And it
must be awkward to blog about this while trying to be
modest. I understand that. But honestly, I sure can see
the modesty in this experience. It is often easier to
blend in with the crowd then to do as God is asking us.
And about your daughter – she wasn’t yelling at the
priest – she was politely answering his question! Well
done for her. Our priest sometimes complains nobody
answers his questions. Usually they are rhetorical, but
apparently not always.
And – last – fun to see you do a What I Wore Sunday!
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Great post. I didn’t know a post about chapel veils could be so funny and respectful at the same time
Thank you for sharing! I have wondered about veils and it is helpful to hear about your experience and see what you wore and even where you bought it. I also have a child who sometimes calls out responses/commentary at Mass – although I’m always embarrassed, the priest says he’s pleased to know for sure that someone is listening (!) we could say the same about your daughter 
Also, I am a cradle Catholic and didn’t know until I was 25 yrs old that I’d been genuflecting on the wrong knee for my whole life, until finally a priest told me (I was blown away! ha ha) – and then when I tried to correct myself I realized that my other leg was weaker because I’d never used it to genuflect before, it was a little shaky until I got used to it, LOL.
If I was that priest I would have sought your daughter out after mass to give her a high five
Now that veil you wore is very lovely!!! For myself I would prefer to find a nice hat.
I have so many questions, Jen!! What do you do if you have a really handsy toddler who would pull it off the whole time? Also, do you make/want your daughters to do it too?
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LOL! I hadn’t thought about any of that, Colleen. Maybe I’ll write a Part II when I’ve done it more often.
Yep – I have exactly the same questions as Colleen. Actually, I think if I was wearing a veil my girls would beg for one too, and if they wore one maybe it would distract them from mine? But does it seem weird having a 2 and 3 year old veil??
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Colleen–for the really handsy toddler, bobby pins and/or a sewn in comb seem to help. That and a healthy dose of patience
As for the daughters, we have a 4 year old who has her own veil. I do not force her to wear it, she wears it as she prefers, for now. I think our plan is to have her start wearing it regularly when when she receives her First Holy Communion, if she’s not already doing so at that point. And, Jamie, you’re right–my daughter wanted her own once she was about 3 and really noticed mine.
Hats are the best for standing up to toddlers, but I’ve not found anything that is completely son-proof. Some weeks the veil/hat just doesn’t stay on and you move past it and try again next Sunday.
I’ve always wanted to wear a chapel veil just never had the guts to do it until this Lent. I have a 9 month old who loves to play with my hair. To avoid him pulling off my veil, I decided to go with a large, wide lace headband that snaps under my hair. Interestingly, it served the purpose and he didn’t play with it, not once. I got them from the etsy shop linked here (http://www.etsy.com/shop/HappyHomestead?ref=shop_sugg). I hope when he’s older I’ll be able to wear a mantilla but, for now this serves the purpose.
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I started covering my head about 3.5 years ago, when my 5 year old was 2. I had read about “veiling” and it seemed a lovely tradition, but just not for me. Then the topic kept appearing before me, and I felt I was supposed to do it. So, I set up a little “test” . . . I first asked 2 of my daughters, who were 10 and 13 at the time what they thought about the idea of us wearing veils to Mass (I had/have 8 of my 10 children still at home, 5 of them are girls). They were very enthusiastic about it, very positive– not what I expected. Then I asked 3 of my friends via an email– told them what I was thinking about and asked if they had ever considered it. Two if them replied the subject had been on their minds, and they were both going to begin. So, we jumped in and did it all together at the same Mass one weekend (4 of those 5 daughters did as well– the 5th one joined us later).
The toddler did mess with it some, but he got used to it. And after a while, if it was slipping, he would put it back up. I often have my granddaughter with me now, and she has had a quicker learning curve, probably because she has always seen us wearing the veils. I keep ours in the car (some of the girls carry them in their purses), and we keep back ups in the car as well, in case someone forgets, or we have a friend who’d like to try it, etc.
It does feel totally natural now, and I would feel odd without one. In a strange way, it helps me focus straight ahead– maybe because moving my head around can cause it to slip. It took me a couple months to feel totally comfortable. But it is now part of attending Mass for me.
Beautiful and thought provoking reflection on not judging others as judgmental! =D
And thank you for the link to Kelly’s suggestions.
I have some friends who have felt the call at one time or another to cover their heads during Mass, and I don’t think it’s a big deal. However, I have noticed my thinking “it’s no big deal” really depends on the countenance of the person doing it. On occasion we’ve had visitors to our parish who have worn veils, and let me just say they stuck out. Not because they were wearing veils, but because of the scowls on their faces. Seriously. Now, I have no idea what was going on in their minds or hearts that morning, but when one woman looked at me with that scowl on her face, I felt judged. I am not saying she was judging but somehow that’s how I interpreted it. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was wearing jeans that day too.
So when I see a woman with a veil or hat on with a joyful smile on her face and a peaceful countenance, it just makes me smile and wonder if I might find some of that too if I covered my head.
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The first month of wearing the veil was the hardest for me but now my hair feels full monty when I don’t have it on. (My girls wore the veil when I started, too so I’m not exactly the only one in our pew with it on. My husband is now the minority) When the baby was born I struggled and when she learned to reach up and tug, that was a mess, too. But perseverance (and God’s grace) pays. Can I add your post to a link up I did for veils? Thanks.
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Interesting, that’s probably the best explanation of why to veil.
That being said, I can see where wearing a chapel veil when most people do not can easily become the equivalent of bragging about your humility. If you feel called to do it, then do it, if not, then don’t worry about it.
As Nancy said, veiling is NOT a Catholic tradition. Women had their heads covered in Church because Paul mentioned it, although nobody was quite sure why. Scholars believe Paul was talking about modesty, not literal head coverings, thus the tradition ended with changing fashion.
I agree with James and some others who have commented about this being the best explanation so far about why to wear the veil.
While Jen does make sense about hair making a “look at me” statement for women, there are those of us women (cough, cough) who’ve been attracted to men with bald heads (particularly those who wear bald proudly), and men with really nice heads of hair.I also agree with him that veiling could easily become the Humility War (akin to the Modesty Wars re: the pants vs skirts debate).
Blogger Erin Manning of “And Sometimes Tea” had two very good posts on veiling:
http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/2011/02/veil-wars-and-hat-battles.html
http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/2011/02/in-which-i-ramble-about-veils-again.html
Paragraph didn’t break correctly.
*I also agree with him (James)
Actually, it is Catholic tradition. When we are in a Catholic Church, and especially at Mass, we are in the presence of our King and Lord. One of the reasons women cover their heads is to honor Christ, our King, to cover our glory before Him, to humble ourselves before Him.
I know no one will read this, since I am late responding to this post, but oh well! Jennifer, this was a great post, and you put it very well! I felt weird covering my head at first, too. At some point I heard a talk by Alice Von Hildebrand, about why women cover their heads (it is covering our heads, not veiling. It is true that we can cover our heads with hats, lace, scarves, a tissue in a pinch. Veils are more in use now because it isn’t the fashion to wear hats as much). She of course, put it perfectly, and I wish I could find that talk again. The gist of it was what I said above. Anyway, once I grasped that, and became accustomed to wearing something on my head, it became strange not to cover my head. Because, really, it’s not about me or anyone else. It’s about Whose Presence I am in. So now I feel very uncomfortable not having my head covered in church. So there is more to it than personal preference. Whether you feel called to cover your head or not, if you have some sense of wondering what all this is about, think about where you are, Who is there in the tabernacle before you, and consider how you would present yourself before a king–especially this King.
Thank you for this post. A few women, mostly converts have been wearing veils recently. I had thought about it but wasn’t sure because, like you I was afraid of drawing attention to myself.
I need advice. I am planning to get married this April and I love the idea of wearing something like this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/114960806/eternity-veil-headcovering-sheer-white?
My concern is that this is my second time (I have a declaration of nullity) and I just don’t want to wear it if I don’t symbolize the type of woman who would wear it at their wedding. Would someone who knows about this explain to me the traditional meaning of a veil at a wedding?
Unfortunately I don’t know anything about that – hopefully someone else can jump in with info!
Ditto what Colleen said, but also– there’s nothing illegitimate or untoward about marrying, if you have a decree of nullity (or are widowed, for that matter). The only “type” of woman you are is the type that is free to marry, and freely chooses to do so. Don’t let nasty-minded people disrupt a beautiful start to the next phase of your life.
The only person with a “dress code” in a Catholic wedding is the priest/deacon. The veil you linked to looks lovely, and if you want to wear it, go ahead! In fact, if you want to keep wearing it to church AFTER your marriage, do that too.
Thank you!
I always feel self conscious for having been married. It is as if the world says I cannot be a good Catholic and ready to be married for a second time. I do have regrets and wish things were different… I hope this gives me the wisdom to explain my future children what NOT to do
I think I will choose a head covering.
Kathy, I want to share with you that I had a previous marriage as well and found the annulment process to be healing for me. I will pray for you right now that you are able to move past the self-consciousness. You will be a beautiful bride! And I can also testify that God has allowed me to try to encourage others who have been through an annulment – and yes, you’ll have much wisdom to share with your children.
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Another explanation for veiling, besides it being a sign of humility, is that traditionally, holy things are veiled. The Ark of the Covenant was veiled, and the modern “Ark,” the Tabernacle, has a cloth covering it/in front of it. The thing that is covered is something special or sacred. Just as Christ takes the Church for his Bride, so does a man take a woman, and a married couple is a parallel of Christ and His Church.
The wedding veil is an extension of an every day headcovering, and while covering our heads in church has fallen out of fashion, for some reason, the wedding veil has not. I think it would be perfectly appropriate for you to wear that!
There is a very good homily about it here, and the priest explains the symbolism behind the wedding veil in great detail.
www [dot] audiosancto [dot] org/sermon/20080726-Marriage-Fall-from-Eden-to-the-Rise-in-Grace [dot] html
Truth- I am a little “judgey” about head veils in Mass. Though I probably won’t jump up to wear one, this helped me understand it in a whole new way.
We’re Orthodox, and the expectation in most of the Orthodox world is that women will cover their heads in church (I came to Orthodoxy in Russia, where they are particularly strict about this). Many churches in American jurisdictions do not observe this custom, being too far removed from the mother country, but there are also a fair number that do it here, so I’ve never had a problem. (Plus awareness of the tradition persists, even in “Americanized” Orthodox churches, so that helps too). Although I did have a priest at one Americanized parish ask me if I was supposed to be at the Russian parish down the street…) For a few years I experimented with covering my head all the time. There is a pious Orthodox tradition for this, not well-observed in the States, but somewhat more in the old countries. I found the comments and looks and stares just stultifying. After a year and a half, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want my future daughters to grow up listening to the junk I’d heard over that time (someone on the street asked me once if I was Jewish and then called down a thousand plagues upon my head before I even had a chance to answer. It was not a pretty moment).
So my practice is to cover my head in church and require my daughter to do so as well. We started it from the moment she was churched, and she rarely fights it now (at 18 months). It helps too that we go to a church where 99% of the women cover their heads. (although our tradition is to use scarves wrapped around the back of the head rather than a chapel veil, but either would be at home in our parish).
Jennifer, thank you for sharing this. I especially found your thoughts on men removing their hats original and enlightening, because I think the most compelling ideas about veiling for me have absolutely nothing to do with women’s relationships to men, but rather a believer’s relationship to the presence of Jesus. The veil shows how humble you are in Jesus’ presence, so as you say, men remove their hats, women cover their hair. Also, by covering themselves, women embody the reality that they have the capacity to be life-giving vessels. Believers have always honored what gives life by veiling it.
I haven’t worn a chapel veil since the move that took us too far from a Tridentine Mass, and I miss it. I’d wear it, but I’d really stand out at our current church, and as for my hair- it doesn’t express individuality lately unless I forget to brush it. Which happens.
And speaking of loud children while wearing veils, years ago we had our potty-training twin boys in the 2nd row at a Latin Mass. I had been using a kitchen bell timer to remind them to periodically go to the bathroom, and when the server rang the bells at the consecration, they both jumped up on the pew, pointed at their crotches and yelled, “LOOK MOM!!! DRY PANTS!!!” At least no one had to turn around to stare, though.
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I respect this decision. Unfortunately these things, like any other accessory, could become just as much of a “look at my veil style” as anything else. However, the key is that it is actually serving a real purpose that truly DOES have an immediate impact (or lack thereof) on the male population (myself being one of THEM)
You are so very right about hair and the way it attracts. It is what I notice first because this is something noticeable at a distance. The way hair shines, waves, curls etc is uniquely female and a “flag” that waves that says, “look, look, look at me!” even if this is not the intention. So to cover this up might temporarily raise curiosity…it will not keep signaling and therefore (if every woman were to wear a veil) this would help me pay closer attention to the Liturgy…the reason I go there in the first place.
So, ultimately, it is an act of charity to wear a veil. Beyond this truth it is classic, classy and says more than, “don’t look at me.” It says, “I am here for the Lord and you should be too.” It does hearken back to an earlier time and in this case it is good. I hope this truly catches on.
I just want to let you know that this cracked. me. up. My dear son asked-right at a quiet part of mass- “Does Jesus have a penis?” We were potty training, he was two, he’s my first boy, so I didn’t expect the word to be so fascinating. I feel bad that the people behind us never stopped giggling. Church giggles are the worst. I am sorry I wasn’t wearing a chapel veil to cover my red face afterward.
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Love your post, Jennifer! While I think that the point about hair is a good one, I was called for a different reason entirely: the Blessed Sacrament. It became irresistible to me to cover my head when in the presence of God Himself.
When I first started not quite three years ago, I was nervous, but it’s like you said, no one else really cares. But it does plant seeds! I’ve had a chance to share with many of my fellow parishioners why I veil and there is an ever-growing wave of veils in our little parish. It’s beautiful to see.
That veil is genius! As soon as I can save some money am getting one!
Wonderful, honest post. I guess my first thought is that since this is not common practice (again) yet, those called by God to do this must sacrifice a bit in order to help others back into the practice. The depth of the meaning behind it all is so beautiful. However, with options out there like that on etsy, vanity can still step into the way. I guess we must always be on guard and pray for the grace to help us through our weaknesses.
Well, someone has to be first!
Hey, count your blessings. This past Sunday, my three-year-old chose the moment of the elevation of the Eucharist to shout, “I CALL MY PENIS MY WEENIE!”
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Oh thank goodness mine is not the only one to yell out body parts at mass. I must say I still get red faced thinking about it!
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My four year’s moment like this is to complain conspicuously loudly in a quite moment that he “has to go to the bathroom because his butt is itchy”
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My son (8) answered the priest, and then the priest asked him to come up and tell his answer in the microphone. He was sooo proud of himself.
You are certainly making me rethink the veiling issue. I really like the scarf veil. I might just have to buy one. I’ve been thinking that the Muslim woman veil so they don’t ever have a bad hair day!!! Their veils are very often cute and pretty too.
I lived for a time near an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, where married women of all ages wore long skirts and head coverings. The younger women often still managed to look trendy while doing so. I envied these women, though, that they never had a bad hair day.
Around that time I had some health problems and started to loose my hair in patches. Since then I went through cycles of some hair restoration and loss as I approach middle age. Many days I wear hats to cover this. I even have started to buy dressy hats to wear to Mass. I didn’t a strong opinion either way about head covering at Mass, and now I always have my head covered.
When I started wanting to cover my head full-time, I thought back to the Orthodox Jewish women I used to see around town. When I was younger, I envied them somewhat in the freedom from having to “do” their hair. Once I started to struggle with hair loss, I wondered if the tradition of head covering was actually an act of mercy. Women with covered heads never have to suffer the indignities of showing themselves in public with thin hair.
If God created me as a woman, I would totally rock the veil.
Welcome to What I Wore Sunday! Ha!
But really, thank you for writing this. I wore a veil once when I attended a Latin Mass but have never tried it in an ordinary parish. Your reflection on assuming those wonderful people in the pews were going to judge you was brilliant. Definitely food for thought.
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Well, at least you know that your daughter is listening to the homilies. How precious
I think the veil is beautiful. Simple, elegant, practical. It’s just gorgeous!
Great post — but please don’t use “gender” when the word you really mean is “sex”. This is so important that Pope Benedict pursued it at some length in his address to the Roman curia last Christmas. Thanks.
Very nice. My daughter, who is 13 will wear hers when we attend the Extraordinary Form mass in a distanct town. She doesn’t think twice and told me she likes wearing one. Who am I to argue with a 13 year old?
I love that more and more women are veiling at Mass.
I travel around the world on business, and attend mass whenever possible in the countries that I visit. I’ve noticed many women wearing veils similar to yours, that can double as. Scarf, and simply pulling the veil up during mass. My observation is that the effect is completely natural, humble and does not draw attention to those who undertake it any more than any other reverent body language during mass. I believe that it’s a beautiful gesture.
Your veil is very pretty and inconspicuous, first of all. And second of all, I am COMPLETELY JEALOUS that you have my FAVORITE PRIEST EVER! Fr. Uche had been in our parish until the summer, and our family and friends were very, very sad to see him leave. He is such a joy-filled, wonderful, intelligent, scholarly man. Such a blessing to have him as a pastor. Enjoy!!
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I didn’t mean to sound dismissive of the veil. It really is very elegant and most inconspicuous. I particularly like the inconspicuous, because to me, white veils sort of scream the “LOOK AT ME! I’M WEARING A VEIL!” You do not have to worry about that at all. I love it.
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Traditionally, white veils are worn by single women and black veils are worn by married women. (I’ve been veiling since Sept 2011)
And yet I see married women in church wearing white veils! I definitely would have had no idea from the way people actually practice wearing of veils.
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That is a misconception. The white vs. black veil was started by the Protestants. Please do your research.
I’d love to do more research… Where did you read that? And while the black/white thing is traditional, so I’ve been told, I do occasionally see older women that appear to be married wearing white, and even colors! Little girls too. I wore a white veil on Easter last year because it seemed more joyful to me!
I hope this is posting in the right place. Robyn, there was no reply button under your last comment. I researched this a while back, because my daughter was told that she could only wear a white veil. I read that this was a fairly recent tradition and it was not of Catholic origin. I have been trying to find where I read that, but cannot find it again. The closest thing I came up with was this Wiki entry. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_wedding I know it’s not very helpful, but at least it confirms that the white vs. black is not a Catholic issue.
Literary-chic, why would you think that wearing of a white veil screams, “LOOK AT ME! I’M WEARING A VEIL!!!!” Do you have some sort of inside knowledge as per that person’s motives?
If that person has indeed indicated as much that they’re doing it to be noticed, then yes, that would be the wrong way to go about wearing a veil. But that is no reason to think that a woman wearing a veil in general is a bad thing or that she should stop wearing it. Concupiscence being what it is, motives aren’t always pure and we human beings can ruin anything and everything we touch if left to our own devices. But we’d be surprised to see God’s grace at work when it turns what begins as not-so-pure motives into doing things for the right reasons.
Just as a woman who is free to wear a chapel veil should, as Jen points out, remember (much to her relief) that less people than she thinks will stare at her and judge her, then perhaps it would be a good thing to do one’s best to ignore a woman who is wearing a white veil if one find it bothersome or distracting.
After all, she’s free to wear that veil if she wants, just as those who wish to are free not to wear one.
Also, Fr. Uche loves children. My daughters adore him. I’m certain that he thought your daughter was amazing.
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Not to gush more, but Fr. Uche is the first priest ever who didn’t make me feel awkward or apologetic for being female. That sounds strange, but it’s true. My experience with priests is not extensive, but still…
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Good for you. My 25-year-old wife wears a veil and I think it is a wonderful practice, even if it earns her the occasional evil-eye from old hippies who flash the peace sign all through the Agnus Dei.
Glad to see you gave veiling a shot. It’s something I began doing for many of the same reasons you gave in January. I’ve ordered 4 different veils from Liturgical Time. I love their work, and they have always been more than kind.
Oh, Jen, I was laughing so hard at what you wrote. Thank you for another winning article.
I may graduate to a veil one day — I even bought the material for it last year. Instead, I wear simple and small straw hats. Bought a black hat for Lent and sewed a purple ‘hat band’ for it with material left over from a costume project. It looks swell. I have a wheat-colored hat with black ribbon. A white hat awaits an Easter Season re-do.
Everyone is used to me wearing hats now and I do feel weird without one when I am at Mass.
It helps me to focus on Holy Mass because the hat kind of blocks out the people around me during Mass. This is a necessity for me because usually I am going to be teaching three different religious education classes AFTER Mass. It’s hard for my mind to not get ahead of the work day ahead. I’m amazed how focused on God I get when that Sunday hat is on my head at Mass.
I grew up in a fundamentalist, evangelical faith that required all baptized women wear head coverings, preferably hats. It was a lovely sight back in the late 60s and into the 70s to see all the women with their varying kinds of stylish hats. Hats gave way to veils at some point in the late 80s. I left the faith in the mid 90s; it was very cultish and in retrospect – scary. As a relatively new Catholic (baptized at the Easter Vigil 2011) I don’t think I could wear a veil. It would remind me too much of the faith of my birth and the effort it took – with God’s grace & mercy – to break free of the brainwashing and extreme nature of that faith.
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Those are my associations with veiling as well…so it’s not something I will ever do myself unless it becomes obligatory.
I had a friend whose little boy after the priest’s intoning the “Let Us Pray” sang “Oh Kay” in the exact notes that the priest sang. So darling, as is your little girl’s “To Pway.” She was paying attention – that is awesome for a 5 year old! Your veil is lovely. I am going to adopt veil wearing at some time in the future. And I think I will try and buy some lace fabric to make my own. It would take less than a yard and with a 40% off coupon, it probably would be pretty thrifty.
WHY is this such a big deal to American women?
Because American women are persecuted by their fellow Catholics for wearing veils.
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that is for sure! I fell in love with really long full skirts as a little girl (when being forced to wear stupid short skirts which were in fashion and wanting to wear long ones like this girl in my class….) and when I hit 40 I decided I had let other people’s opinions dictate my clothing for long enough and I made some long skirts and have worn nothing else but what I like for almost a decade now. YET, I have had other Catholic women get rabid at me and accuse me of thinking that anyone not in a long skirt is lacking in modesty. It was worse when I covered my head at Mass so I stopped covering– and still regret my lack of independence.
This is a great blog post on the topic.
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Ann Seton, who are these other women to presume that this is what you think about *them*?
If you want to wear your long skirt and veil at Mass, that’s nothing to do with them, and if you have to, tell them as much. While I am not saying that veiling is “a call from God” (there’s a very good, recent post on this at the NCRegister’s “Big Pulpit” list of links), Canon law currently does not require a woman to cover her head, and covering heads in church falling into disuse does not mean that “Vatican II (or somesuch) banned it.”
It all boils down to this: are you being respectful of the Eucharist and the Mass as an occasion of solemn joy with your modesty– whether that modesty includes a skirt down to your ankles or just at the knee, and/or a chapel veil or hat or scarf? If yes, then don’t sweat it!
Do these women other women who would condemn you not see the irony– and hypocrisy– of thinking that everyone should do what they’re doing, else they’re being “judgmental,” is itself judgmental, to say nothing of lacking in charity?
If you feel anxious, pray about it. If you are afraid that you’re not coming at things with the right motives, then ask the Lord to enable you to have the right motives– i.e. that you do it all for Him.
Bingo.
Though for the record, I do wear a chapel veil at all Masses, be it the Traditional Latin Mass or the Novus Ordo.
Most people either ignore my chapel veil, or they compliment me, the former more than the latter. Which is all I ever wanted, anyway.
See for example the response of Mary R. at 5:06 p.m. Such expressions of piety for whatever reason stir other Catholics to a sudden and aggressive ignoratio elenchi: viz., I don’t have a problem with veils, but just make sure you don’t force me to wear one. Who said anything about forcing anyone to do anything?
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Exactly! What happens is that when women choose to start wearing head coverings, whether it be a veil, hat or scarf, or really whenever anyone chooses to do anything to try to become more holy and closer to our Lord, it convicts people who don’t care about their faith, so they get defensive and lash out. I’m going to guess that they are typically cradle Catholics or those that are Catholic because they were raised Catholic and not so much those that chose to be.
Indeed: who said anything about forcing anyone to do anything?
What a thoughtful post. I have often felt it was so respectful and beautiful. No-one in my parish covers their head, and indeed the dress is what one might call rather casual.
But I love the idea and might look to get something suitable for when I am next travelling in Spain or Portugal.
Thank you, Jennifer, for sharing this experience! Just three weeks ago I started wearing a veil in church, and was eager to read this post about your experience with it.
In the short period of time I’ve been doing this, I’ve found that wearing the veil greatly improves my concentration on the mass, and helps me remember where I am, in God’s house: I might wear the same outfit to many other places, but I don’t wear a veil anywhere else.
I ordered some veils from veils by lilly. http://www.veilsbylily.com/
The more secular and hostile to Christianity the culture gets, the more I’m drawn to compensate by striving to be more reverent and serious about my Catholic faith. Once I learned the meaning of women wearing veils from an Ann Barnhardt blog post, it seemed like a natural thing to start doing to show respect, humilty and reverence to God in his house.
Your veil is perfect. I would actually wear one like this. As I was growing up my dad expressed a strong desire to see my mom and we girls wearing veils at Mass. So my mom insisted. It was embarrassing then because I was 13-14 at the time. It didn’t last long. Now in my adult years when I see a lady at Mass with a veil I always smile because it brings warm memories of my grandma to mind. She wore a veil so elegantly until her death in 1990. I used to think she always looked like the lovliest woman in the entire church.
also…, I am a cradle catholic, very faithful in practice and I watched all three of the episodes of minor revisions and didn’t realize once that you genuflected on the wrong knee. Like you, I never knew there was a right or wrong knee. We live and learn! LOL
Remember, all that is holy is veiled at Mass:
- The Tabernacle is holy and is (should be) covered with a canopy.
- The Eucharist and Holy Chalice in veiled until
- ALL women are holy, being vessels for life, and should be veiled at Mass.
Ever notice that there is a huppah (veil) over the bride and groom at a Jewish wedding … their bond, as one, eventually to bringing forth life–even before Jesus elevated it to a sacrament–is holy.
It is a submission .. but not to me “a man” … but to your Father in heaven.
If women understood this the way I just described, what could be more achingly beautiful to do at Mass for Our Lord?
Amen!
Ehhh. Ehhhhhhh. EHHHHHH.
The problem with this comment is that it relies on an analogy that doesn’t really hold up. If “ALL that is holy is veiled at Mass,” then why is it only women who “should be veiled at Mass”? Presumably there are lots of holy men in the congregation; following your logic, they should also cover their heads — which is, as Jen points out, the opposite of the tradition for them. The priest is also holy; why should HE not wear a head covering? You might argue that his vestments are a kind of “veil,” but in that case, the clothing of a woman (or any layman) is the analogous covering, not a head covering.
I appreciate your reverence for holy things, but this kind of attitude (i.e., “if only you understood the holiness of holy things, you would do X!”) is exactly the kind of attitude that drives a lot of people away from this kind of practice. It’s also important to note that the Church is not shy about saying “things ought to be such-and-such a way” when there are actual “oughts” involved. Where the Church is silent, we have to be really careful saying “X SHOULD be so,” (and ESPECIALLY, “do X as an act of submission TO GOD,”) when what we really mean is “X seems fitting and beautiful in these ways [but is still voluntary].” Jen’s piece meets that criterion; your comment does not.
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I like some of your points Miriel, but I think there is a truth to the idea of women having a certain unique ‘holiness’. It is not a ‘prayer and fasting, increase in virtue’ type holiness but a holiness in their God-given gift -their ability to bring forth new life. The Creator directly touches a woman every time she conceives a child. Like Cardinal Mindszenty’s quote states, “Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other human creature”. Therefore, all woman -mothers or not- have this ‘potential’ relationship with God and a certain privilege or holiness as a result.
A better word might be “sacred”…
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Anthony: as mentioned before, a hat or scarf suffices for “veiling”. The widespread use of the chapel veil is a recent development.
I was born Catholic and had a parochial school education, the nuns always told us the veil was to emulate Our Blessed Lady’s mantle.
If any woman wants to cover her head at Mass as an expression of personal piety, that is fine. However, I hope that the Church does not ever make it mandatory again for women to cover their heads at Mass. I had to cover my head at Mass when I was a child and it seemed to me as though there was something shameful about being female since we could not even enter the church bareheaded. That feeling was further magnified one day when I was in first grade and had to wear a napkin on my head to the school Mass because I had forgotten my hat. I was humiliated and embarrassed. I stopped wearing hats to Mass when I was a teenager and I have never looked back. You won’t find me wondering what it would be like to cover my head at church. I did not find it edifying at all.
Mary, thank you for sharing your experience! That is one of the things I love about our Church, it has room enough for women who desire to veil AND women who do not. Room enough for warm hugs and handshakes during the Agnus Dei AND women who flash the sign of peace. Room enough for women who wears skirts AND those who wear jeans to Mass.
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I don’t know what to think about this in general. In the microcosm your veil is beautiful. Your motivations for doing it are good too. I have a similar silk, scarf that I can pull up over my head on a rainy day– but I’d feel like a martian if I pulled it on my head for mass. I hate calling attention to myself too (and have kids that shout stuff in mass also!) At both the churches I go to less than 1% of the women wear them–and no Moms with families at all…What I worry about is *divisions*. The “this group” vs.”that group” gives me a stomach ache. The other day we were watching a BBC news piece in which they were secretly filming this pair of Muslim guys accosting women for not having their heads covered–in London!
Uuuuugh.
Oh and to the Mom upthread whose three y.o. yelled about his wee wee at mass: Awesome. I feel so much better about my own little criminals. That was the best laugh I had all day. Thank you.
I’m a little confuse…according to Canon Law as a sign of respect, women still are required to wear a veil when meeting the pope, so why not when meeting Jesus in the holy Eucharist??
I always genuflect before receiving communion because I believe in the real presence, I always try to avoid lay ministers when taking communion, I only go to the Priest or Deacon, maybe I’m just too orthodox.
I don’t think so at all. My husband and I starting taking Holy Communion on our knees and I will not take Holy Communion from a woman.
Jennifer, I love it when the Holy Spirit speaks … He speaks the same thing to many people! Your post confirms for me that I am also to go back to wearing my veil. Last fall I went on my annual 4 day silent retreat, and I had decided before the retreat that I would wear my veil, after all, it wasn’t my home parish so it was a good place to ‘test the water’… It felt so right! So when I returned from the retreat I wore it at daily Mass, but, like you, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and didn’t wear it to Sunday Mass (we have a much smaller parish, and many people know me). It is truly an act of obedience and humility to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit. And like you, I said to a friend: I think the Holy Spirit is speaking to other women about wearing a veil so I want to wear one to encourage others to listen and act.
God Bless you and thank you for your witness!
Jane: The nuns were wrong; we are never obligated to emulate Mary’s clothing choices, just like males aren’t going to wear clothing like Jesus would wear. It’s not traditional, at all, especially when you consider Catholicism isn’t just 1930s-1960s America. What’s so special about lace mantillas, anyway? I’m not Spanish. I used to think that this was a great way to think that I was being an orthodox Catholic, but I have since rethought that and veils – and all the creeping clothing rules that very often come with it (first one to bring up the fingerwidths&collarbones wins the prize!) – are not good for women.
And for the person who mentioned Orthodox Jews: while seemingly nice on the outside, the pathologies of women in those sects is seriously disturbing, once you look a little deeper. Shaved heads? With wigs and hats? Arguments about denier of tights? Length of skirts? Color of cloth worn? Walking behind your husband in public? Unclean menstrual time to not be touched? Is that where you want to go? Just say no.
I’ll admit that I haven’t read all of the comments….there are so many! Let me say this: if the Holy Spirit has moved you to veil, it is a Grace. I veil (for several years, now) in reparation for the
outrages, sacrileges, and indifference by which Jesus is offended; particularly the sin of abortion. Concern of “what other people might think” is the prick of pride. Do not look to the World, but look to God. God Bless.
Im totally caught up in the fact that there were 1,100 people at the service! Wow- 50 is a big turn out at my church
I have heard that it is good for women to wear a veil because it relates to Jesus in the tabernacle or something. Or it views women as tabernacles and they are to be veiled. I am very fuzzy on the details of what this point is….does anyone know what I’m thinking of?
It’s an attempt to make the chapel veil the only acceptable head covering, at the expense of others always acceptable to the Church’s discipline regarding head coverings.
(Full disclosure: my wife wears a chapel veil when we attend the EF, and I have nothing against chapel veils. I do object to those who believe that it is the only acceptable head covering in church.)
I wish I had been there. You know what I would have thought? Oh my gosh that kid is AWESOME! Good parents that they not only taught her the answer, she’s confident enough to share!
This is a beautiful reflection and much appreciated. My husband visited the Clear Creek Monastery a couple years ago and come home and we discussed veiling. He thought it would be a good idea. It took me quite a few months to muster up the courage to do it, and when I did, I was astounded at my own pride that would flare up at mass. I truly appreciate your reverance for those other Catholics at mass and your reflections on them and your assumptions. It is much easier to wear a veil at the EF mass but much more difficult at our OF parish because not many women do. Thank you for so eloquently explaining your realizations. May God Bless your effort!