Comments on Conversion Diary: A day in the life of a Scorpionator

Oh. My. Goodness. I laughed until I cried. I lov...

2009-10-28T21:49:47.772-05:00

Oh. My. Goodness.

I laughed until I cried. I love your blog, and find it very "spiritually nutritional", so to speak, but the scorpion posts... may well be my favourites. You are a fabulous writer.

Oh, also? You have convinced me: I could never live in Texas. Never mind the trucknutz (shudder), it's the scorpions that would do me in. Canadian winters, bring it on. At least we are scorpion-free.

This made me laugh, especially when you put the bo...

2009-10-27T15:00:29.040-05:00

This made me laugh, especially when you put the book on it in case it came back to life!! My husband was in Iraq a year ago and apparently they found a huge scorpion in their unit headquarters. On of the guys used a big cain of Raid on it and they thought it was dead.One of his genius fellow soldiers thought it would be cool to have as a trophy so he glued its pincers and tail in a "fighting position" onto a board. Needless to say it was NOT DEAD and woke up when my husband had duty in the middle of the night and started jumping toward him across the desk (it couldn't walk because it was glued to the board). I guess they needed the Scorpionator...

Beautiful. When the video cameras first got big an...

2009-10-25T11:33:47.232-05:00

Beautiful.
When the video cameras first got big and we had our first kid, everyone wanted us to get one. My take was that I didn't want to see everything my first kid did through a little glass window. Not everyone is tempted to this, but I know I would be so I removed myself from that occasion of sin. Now it is tempting to see everything through the lens of "how would that look on paper." Good to keep in mind.

Oh, and a relative of my husband's in Kentucky apparently once killed a rattlesnake with a can of raid.

That was one of the funniest things I"ve read in a...

2009-10-23T09:31:38.184-05:00

That was one of the funniest things I"ve read in a long time! Thanks for the laugh!!!

I am always composing blog posts, Tweets, and Face...

2009-10-22T23:01:19.926-05:00

I am always composing blog posts, Tweets, and Facebook statuses from the moments of my life. It's sometimes exhausting. I feel too mentally cluttered.

HAHAHAHA!!! Thanks for the laughs! I think you ...

2009-10-22T21:42:48.470-05:00

HAHAHAHA!!! Thanks for the laughs! I think you should be Patron Saint of the Scorpion-Phobic. :)

I had an afternoon like this with a -- gulp -- rat...

2009-10-22T18:38:34.457-05:00

I had an afternoon like this with a -- gulp -- rat. It was horrible. It was like war. This was, like, 12 or 13 years ago, and I still don't like to think about it. But I LOVED reading about YOUR afternoon with the scorpion! Thanks for many laughs and smiles and OMGs!

Um, make that "I'm so glad I DO live in a scorpion...

2009-10-22T15:22:49.234-05:00

Um, make that "I'm so glad I DO live in a scorpion-free state." Duh!

I LOVE the Scorpionator image! And I love this sto...

2009-10-22T14:30:14.766-05:00

I LOVE the Scorpionator image! And I love this story. And I am SOOOOO glad I don't live in a scorpion-free state.

Hilarious! I can laugh because it happened to you...

2009-10-22T13:48:15.886-05:00

Hilarious! I can laugh because it happened to you... I'd have behaved the same way if it had been me, only with more screaming.

Oh who am I kidding, I'd probably have just thrown a box over it and left the house until my husband came home.

But then, I'm the same way about ladybugs.

A bug is a bug is a bug, regardless of "cuteness" or deadliness.

Oh, my goodness. Thanks for the great, deep belly...

2009-10-22T13:16:29.196-05:00

Oh, my goodness. Thanks for the great, deep belly laughs. I think I can get through the rest of my day now. Do you have some sort of PO Box set up so we can donate cans of Raid to replenish your supply? I feel a need to help out in the great scorpion wars. ;-)

That is one of the best stories I've read in a ver...

2009-10-22T12:53:41.254-05:00

That is one of the best stories I've read in a very long time. And also I'm very very (VERY) glad there are no scorpians around here because I would not be able to handle that crisis nearly as well as you did!!

I haven't laughed that hard at a blog post in a wh...

2009-10-22T11:21:30.521-05:00

I haven't laughed that hard at a blog post in a while. Thank you for making your misery our hilarity! That was great!

I do not say this to taunt you or to torment you.....

2009-10-22T11:07:36.933-05:00

I do not say this to taunt you or to torment you... okay, maybe there's a little bit of my fallen nature that is totally wanting to taunt you, but mostly not, Scout's honor.

I often marvel at the similarities between the two of us, but our responses to arthropods is not one of them.

Now, admittedly, among the menagerie of GIANT BUGS that I've seen in my corner of Texas, scorpions are not included. I am extrapolating from my response to crawlies in general here.

I would have looked at the scorpion, said "Cool! Come see this bug, boys!", gotten a cardboard box, herded the scorpion inside, and released it into the wild with "Born Free" running through my mind. Also, I am more afraid of Raid than of scorpions.

I would possibly have also given my older son a lesson on the taxonomy of scorpions, which are, FYI, about as closely related to wasps as you are to a fish. Luckily, both you and fish are susceptible to some of the same poisons (well, that's not lucky), and similarly, both scorpions and wasps are susceptible to some of the same poisons.

Once I found a giant black widow spider in the garage. At one time, I would have just left it alone, but now I had a toddler. I considered and debated, and decided that logically, I had a duty to keep my son safe and was morally justified in eliminating the spider. With great ritualistic solemnity, I crushed it, but it caused me great psychic pain. The spider never hurt me, and I hated to have to hurt it.

All right, this may be one of the most, ahem, eccentric things about me. I have rarely met someone with such a bleeding heart for bugs. (In a sign of God's cosmic humor, the only person I have met who is more sympathetic to their cause than I am married a friend... who has a bona fide phobia about wasps.) (I take it back—I once met someone who is sympathetic even to spider mites, those dastardly killers of house plants and the main reason I have despaired of keeping green things alive indoors. That's hard-core.)

I'm not totally insane. Yellow jackets (which, in a sign of God's blessings, are another species absent from my insect-filled corner of Texas), fire ants, and mosquitoes are all on my sh*t list. No mercy!

By the way, did you see my recent post on Gardasil? I think it's important info for parents, though your kids are still too young for you to have to make a decision on it. Basically... I think it's safe, and probably somewhat effective against cancer, but unnecessary because... well, read the article.

hilarious. thanks.

2009-10-22T09:56:50.776-05:00

hilarious. thanks.

Wow! What a story!! I am now thinking it's a terr...

2009-10-22T09:22:56.291-05:00

Wow! What a story!! I am now thinking it's a terrible oversight that the Perceived Stress Scale does not include an item like, "In the past month, how often have you battled a scorpion in your living room?" If anyone from Texas contacts me about using the scale, I'll suggest it.

I thought of you last weekend at the natural history museum when looking at the artist's depiction of a prehistoric scorpion; it looked much dumber and less evil than the current ones...but then I looked from the sign to the actual artifact, the fossilized tracks of said scorpion, which were so large that I looked back at the sign for crucial facts...it was SEVEN AND A HALF FEET LONG!!! During my next freak-out about a half-inch centipede suddenly running across my kitchen counter, I remembered to be grateful that I live neither in a prehistoric era nor in Texas.

God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perf...

2009-10-22T07:52:00.292-05:00

God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform.

:-)

Funny funny funny! It reminds me of my house when ...

2009-10-22T00:11:43.805-05:00

Funny funny funny! It reminds me of my house when we have a lizard!

i like Sam from Illinois' comment.

2009-10-21T23:37:57.569-05:00

i like Sam from Illinois' comment.

That was one of the most amusing posts I have ever...

2009-10-21T23:06:25.354-05:00

That was one of the most amusing posts I have ever read, anywhere! We don't get scorpions, but we've had similar situations with large wasps and bees, so I can relate to some extent. Thanks for the laugh! I needed it today!

I can't imagine what all that looked like to the k...

2009-10-21T22:41:06.187-05:00

I can't imagine what all that looked like to the kids...

That picture is the best! Your description of the ...

2009-10-21T22:33:52.552-05:00

That picture is the best! Your description of the battle with the scorpion mimics almost exactly my one encounter with a wasp that made its way into our house (including the testing of the Raid spray) except that my wasp did not die immediately, but spent an interminable minute or two buzzing crazily in death throes, throwing itself against the window and undergoing such contortions of agony that I called my husband, SOBBING, unintelligible as I tried to explain how terrible I felt causing the suffering and death of one of God's creatures (even though moments before my thoughts had been something like "IT MUST DIE IT MUST DIE IT MUST DIE NOW!") I was so hysterical that he thought it had stung our 1 year old and sent her into anaphylactic shock or something. The humor in this is only evident now, about two years removed from the incident. Kudos to you for being able to write such a hilarious mere weeks after it happened to you!

And I have to say, if wasps were as common an occurrence in our house as scorpions are in yours, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown, or three, by this point.

Truly funny AND gross at the same time! I cannot ...

2009-10-21T21:35:32.270-05:00

Truly funny AND gross at the same time! I cannot relate to having a scorpion invade my home when the greatest trouble we have is when the raccoons try to take over the garage - at least they're cute.

You have single-handedly ensured that I will never visit Texas, never mind live there! Thanks for the laugh.

I know that you now get so many comments that you ...

2009-10-21T21:26:33.688-05:00

I know that you now get so many comments that you probably won't be able to answer this, but...

How did you make that cute "scorpianator" woman picture???

I just got Photoshop Elements and can't figure out how to do ANYTHING cute with the stupid program.

By the way, aren't you glad that it wasn't a snake??? Did you see the comment in my snake post about the lady from Texas with a snake in her SHOWER?!!!

Kelly

Dear Jen, Please, please, please, don't ever stop...

2009-10-21T20:35:19.627-05:00

Dear Jen, Please, please, please, don't ever stop writing! You have such a wonderful gift. I absolutely love your blog, and I cannot wait to buy your first book! Thank you not only for the great laughs, but also the thoughtful, spiritual insights you share. You are truly a gift. God bless.